


Mara Lavellan: Inquistor

by Cullentouchedthebutt



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Babies, Be Nice To Me :), Dalish Elves, Don't Judge, Elf/Human Relationship(s), F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Miscarriage, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Original Character Death(s), Past Relationship(s), Pregnancy, Sexual Tension, To Be Edited, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 35,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cullentouchedthebutt/pseuds/Cullentouchedthebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(To be inserted later)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up to any of you reading this.  
> This is my first attempt ever at any type of fanfiction. I've enjoyed writing this, and as far as I know, my friend has enjoyed it so far as I've sent her each chapter right after I finished them. I hope you enjoy, too. IF you see something wrong or inaccurate, please don't hesitate to let me know. Just be nice about it:) Thank you so much!
> 
> -Cullentouchedthebutt

 

            Her little feet ran as fast as they could, faster than ever before. “C’mon, Cam! I’m winning!” Young Mara giggled.

            “I’m letting you win, silly!” Cam shouted from a few feet behind.

            Mara’s tiny legs finally became tired and buckled under her. The child tripped on an uplifted tree root and did a face plant into the soft forest soil.

            Cam stopped by her and just stood there.

            Mara grumbled and started wiping the dirt off of her face and body. “Aren’t you going to help me, Cam-cam? I can’t see my face I need help!” Mara whined.

            “Shh,” Cam picked Mara up off the ground and gently covered her mouth.

            “You stupid knife-ear!” An angry voice yelled. “Get out of my way or you’re dead, damn it!”

            “Maker’s breath, just kill it already!”

            “You shemlen will never find our camp, so please turn around and leave before anyone gets hurt.” It was their father.

            “Oh shut up already! If you won’t help us then I’ll just have to kill you.”

            “NO!”

_Slash._

            “Creators…” Cam buried Mara’s face in his chest, not wanting her to see their father dying on the cold forest ground.


	2. Chapter One

     “You’re going to have to run faster if you want to be the best, Mara!”

     “Seriously? I beat you almost every single time so far.” Mara huffed.

     “ _Almost_ ,” Ara replied. “It needs to be _every_ time. Then you’ll be the best. Well, besides your brother, he’s definitely the best runner, hunter, and pretty much he’s just the best at everything.”

     Mara narrowed her eyes at Ara and smirked. “Yeah you say that because you used to like him…a lot.”

     Ara ignored her and went on about something that Mara remembered hearing before, but being a good friend she let Ara ramble on.

     Mara’s older brother, Camthon (everyone just called him Cam, unless he was in trouble), was actually pretty great at a lot of things. He taught her almost everything she knew, including her archery and stealth skills. Mara loved archery and she couldn’t see herself using any other weapon. She still remembers the first time Cam taught her to shoot a bow and arrow. Mara was ten years old and Cam was fourteen. Cam took their father’s special bow and arrow from its hiding spot in the woods and used that to practice. Their mother tried selling most of their father’s things after he passed away when Mara was still an infant and Cam was four. He would practice his archery every day, and one day curious and competitive Mara demanded that Cam teach her everything about archery and hunting. She was thrilled when she hit her first target, which was just a piece of cloth hung from a small tree branch. Ever since then, Mara was a natural. By age fifteen she was a master archer and thanks to Cam, by seventeen she was a master rogue archer who could slip in and out of the shadows without being detected by anyone.

     “Are you listening to me? Seriously Mara you’ve been so distracted lately! Is it because you’re getting your vallaslin tonight? Don’t worry it doesn’t hurt that bad, really! Well maybe a little but…well maybe a little more than just a little…you had a broken bone before, right? Really isn’t as bad as that—“

     “No, no, I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know. I’m going through all of this important stuff and my father isn’t here to see any of it.” Mara confessed. She kind of hated showing her emotions, because showing emotion meant showing any weaknesses one has, and that’s something would never be: weak. Unfortunately, though, being friends with Ara meant Mara couldn’t lie about how you feel—Ara was always extremely adept when it came to reading emotions.

     “I know. Those damn shems. I hate them all.” Ara kicked a rock into the nearby stream. “Let’s go get some food, I need food. And possibly some sleep. No, definitely food and sleep. Yes.” Ara kicked another rock while Mara smirked again at Ara.

     “Actually you go on ahead! I’m going to try to gather some herbs. I hear elfroot helps heal your vallaslin faster. I’m willing to try it out, anything will be better than nothing at all.” Mara laughed and waved Ara off.

~~~

     About an hour later Mara collected twenty elfroot plants and some beautiful wildflowers to give to her mother that night. Walking through the forest she heard some odd sounds. Moaning? Who could be out here? Mara was almost sure she was the only one. More moaning, like someone was in a lot of pain.

     Mara went into her stealthily explored the nearby areas. After a couple minutes she finally found the source of this odd sound. It was a shem. Some human men killed her father while he was out in the forest, and she knew better than to just go towards this man and talk to him. Although, if she were to talk to him it seemed as if it wouldn’t be a very good conversation considering he was passed out and a bit delirious, saying random things such as “help”, “damn”, and her favorite, “mommy” along with some whimpering and crying. Mara couldn’t help herself from giggling. This big human man, begging for his “mommy” in the middle of a forest. She felt bad for this man; no person—human, elf, dwarf, whatever—should be left alone in the wilderness to die. She was not like the men who killed her father, and she hoped that this man was not like them either.

     Mara groaned and secured her satchel over her shoulder and tried to get the man to safe shelter. There was a lovely little cave nearby that she used to play in when she was just a child. Cam would get mad when she ran off and hid in there, but she loved pretending she was an explorer looking for magical treasure. All she really found was a lot of rocks.

     Mara always carried a sleeping mat with her just in case she needed to camp out somewhere, and she was extremely grateful that she did so today. After half carrying, half dragging this large human to the cave Mara unrolled the sleeping mat and set the human on it, tended to his wounds, and covered him up. She carefully examined his features. This man had long, curly blonde hair and a very handsome face—handsome?! _Oh no, no, no, shems aren’t handsome. They are dangerous and they kill. But elves kill too. We’re all killers at some point or another, aren’t we?_ Mara shoved her rambling thoughts aside. This man was sick, and he needed her help. She decided to leave some of her food and water for him and a note telling him to stay there, he was safe and that she’d be back later on to check on him.

     On Mara’s journey back she couldn’t stop thinking about this mysterious man who came out of nowhere. Why was he in the forest all alone, and why did he just have a small dagger? Didn’t he know that the forest can be dangerous? Stupid shems, Mara couldn’t believe how idiotic some of them were. She also couldn’t believe that she thought this man was attractive.

     “Ridiculous.” Muttered Mara. “You can’t do that. A shem is bad news. You’ll be married to a decent Dalish man someday, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Maybe it will be…no, that’s stupid…”

     The closer Mara got to home the more nervous she got about getting her vallaslin. Ara told her not to worry, and she really wasn’t worried. Mara was just nervous that she’d accidentally cry out in pain or something, just out of reflex. She definitely didn’t want to, because she knew that she was ready, and she did not want to show any sign of weakness.

     “Mara! What took you so long?” Cam gave his sister a small hug. “We were worried you ran off or something.” Cam laughed and playfully punched Mara’s arm.

     “Welcome back, friend.” Ara tapped Mara’s nose. “Took you long enough, damn.”

     “Oh hush.” Mara stuck her tongue out.

     “Meeting up with your lover, are you?” Ara grinned.

     “Uh no! I know who you’re talking about and he’s supposed to be here, helping with the preparations for my vallaslin. And you know I don’t have a lover, Ara!” Mara had been friends with Varlan for a long time, but she didn’t want to admit her small crush on him because that would just be odd. Not yet, at least. She was almost certain he liked Ara anyways. She was prettier and more outgoing than Mara so men always liked her best friend more.

     “You two are hilarious.” Mara’s mother appeared with a plate of roasted vegetables. “Eat something before you get your vallaslin. Oh da’assan, I’m so proud of you.” She rested a hand on Mara’s cheek.

~~~

     Hours later, Mara didn’t know how many, she was finally done and couldn’t believe how painful it was, though she did not dare show any pain. She chose June. That specific one spoke to her because she felt that her calling was to make things and craft everything from weapons to armor to clothing. It was a light blue color and she thought it was beautiful. A lot of beauty can come out of a lot of pain, but after going back to her tent, Mara glared at Ara.

     “Ara it hurt a lot, you liar!”

     “Shush. If I told you it hurt, you would have been much more nervous, tell me I’m wrong.” Ara poked Mara.

     “Fine. You’re right.” Mara rolled her eyes. Suddenly she remembered the human in the cave. “Uh…can you cover for me? I need to go for a walk. Get some fresh air after all that.”

     “Um, Mara, it’s really late don’t you think you need some rest?”

     “Yeah, yeah. I just can’t sleep yet. I won’t be long, I promise. And I’ll have my sleeping mat and extra tent with me if I get tired. I promise I’ll be fine.” Mara collected an extra blanket and snuck some medical supplies into her satchel while Ara wasn’t looking. “See you later, thanks Ara!”

     “Yeah whatever.”

~~~

     “Shit shit shit.” Mara mumbled to herself as she ran through the forest. She hoped the man didn’t run off or something. Or die.

     She gripped her bow tightly, arrow in its place ready to pierce the heart of anything that dared attack her in this dark night. When Mara finally made it to the cave, she slowly crept inside to make sure to not startle the man.

     He was still in the same spot she left him. The food was half-eaten and water had a few sips taken from it. She couldn’t tell if she was glad or upset that he was asleep again. She checked his bandages on his leg and put fresh bandages on since the ones from earlier were soaked with his blood.

     The man had a large gash and what she now realized was a broken leg. He must have tripped on a tree root. _Stupid shem obviously didn’t know how to walk through a forest_ , thought Mara. She made a splint to correct his leg, and she was shocked that all he did was wince in his sleep. He had some scratches on his extremely beaut—his face. Other than that he seemed fine. After covering him up again, Mara went to feel his forehead to see if he had a fever, and he did, along with a cold sweat. He must have an infection starting. She took some elfroot from her bag and made some healing salve to put on his wounds.

     Mara decided that he shouldn’t be left alone yet. She guessed it was the middle of the night, almost early morning. She could stay for another three hours then head home to make sure the elfroot starts working. But before she knew it, Mara was asleep.

~~~

     “Hey…uh…lady…ow, damn it. Oh pardon my vulgar language. Milady? Milady, are you awake?”

     Mara woke up extremely confused. She saw gleams of sunlight through cracks in a rocky ceiling…rocky ceiling…

     “Oh damn it!” Mara jumped up almost hitting her head off of the ceiling. “I slept too long!”

     “Well I’m not the only one with a dirty mouth, am I?” The human laugh quietly. “Uh, may I know your name?”

     As Mara looked over at the large man, she noticed that he looked very confused and somewhat frightened. His water and food were both gone and he looked a lot better than last night, though.

     “Oh. Hello. I’m…wait what’s your name, first, shem?” Mara mumbled sleepily. She couldn’t help the involuntary narrowing of her eyes at this suspicious man. People like him killed her father and she would never forget.

     “Oh please forgive me, milady. My name is Xander. I’m from a small village no one has heard of.” Xander chuckled.

     “Odd. The name is Mara. I’m from a Dalish clan. We’re camped nearby.” She said slowly and carefully. “We have a lot of people. People with swords and bows and arrows and—“

     “’Tis a beautiful name, Lady Mara.” Xander smiled. “May I ask why you helped a man like me? I assume you did, at least. I just vaguely remember that face. I most certainly do not remember the tattoo, though.”

     Mara frowned. “It’s called a vallaslin, I just received it last night…but thank you for the compliment, I suppose. My mother played around with her name and my best friend’s name. But not the point. Um, let me check your forehead.” Mara mentally kicked herself for rambling on to this random stranger and gently raised her hand to Xander’s forehead. “You had quite the fever last night, but it seems like you’re getting better. I swear elfroot is a miracle remedy. It’ll even make your broken leg heal faster.”

     This reminded Mara that her face still stung and she needed to save some of that elfroot salve for her face. She took more out of her little tin and gently rubbed salve onto her face.

     “Does it hurt?” Xander looked like an extremely curious kitten, with watchful and innocent eyes.

     Mara looked at him and wondered if she really should keep talking to him, or leave him since he was obviously not going to die now. “Honestly? Yes. But it’s a rite of passage into adulthood. I am quite happy I got it.”

     “It is beautiful. _You_ , milady, if it’s not too bold to say, you are quite beautiful. I’m just, awestruck…” Xander trailed off and smiled.

     Mara didn’t know what to say. This was the first man to tell her she was beautiful. Her mother said so, as well as her younger sister, but she never really believed it. Yet, when this stranger, a human no less, told her this, she felt beautiful. “It is bold. Don’t patronize me. You’re a human. I shouldn’t be here with you right now.”

     “I’m…I’m sorry, I just meant it as a true compliment. Thank you for taking care of me.” Xander looked like a small dog that just got scolded, Mara thought.

     “Oh, I’m sorry, what was it? Xander? I apologize, I did not mean to hurt your feelings. Forgive me. I just don’t really trust random shemlen men that I meet out in the forest.” Mara muttered. “I need to hurry home, but I will return soon with more food and water.” Mara grabbed a book from her satchel. “Here, read this to pass the time. I found it while I was exploring one day and I thought it was a decent read. Please don’t run off with it, it’s my favorite…”

     “Lady Mara, I don’t think I could run off. My leg is broken and currently in a splint. Even if I could…I wouldn’t do that to you. Will I see you again, soon?” Mara noticed a slight redness pooling in Xander’s cheeks. Mara’s face unwillingly did the same.

     “I, uh, I’ll see you in a while.”

     Mara hurried off into the forest, guessing that it was almost late morning and she was sure her family was wondering where she was.

~~~

     “Mara! Hey, there. I haven’t seen you since last night. You look great, how are you feeling?” It was Varlan.

     “Hi Varlan, I’m feeling fine. I decided to go for a walk last night and got too tired to come home, so I just camped out.” Mara yawned.

     “Are you nuts? You went out that late all alone?” Varlan looked worried.

     “Hey, you’ve known me for how long? You should know I do stupid stuff like that!” Mara laughed. “Also, I can take care of myself.”

     “This is true,” Varlan nodded in agreement. “So, Mara, do you think you and I could go for our own little walk? That is, as long as you aren’t too tired…”

     “Yes, absolutely. Let’s go grab some food, though, I’m hungry! Then we can take a walk to the stream.” Mara suggested.

     Maybe being just friends with this man was okay. She could accept that because their friendship was easy and natural; as she thought more about it, she realized that anything more than friendship could ruin what they have.

     Once Mara and Varlan got to the stream, they plopped down and let their feet and into the stream, playfully kicking water at each other and goofing off like they always have.

     “Mara, I’m so glad you received your vallaslin. I really like the color.” Varlan grinned and took another bite of his breakfast. Mara looked over at him, and he looked uneasy.

     “Why so nervous?” Mara asked.

     “Wh-what? I’m not.”

     “You so are.”

     “No I’m not, Mara!”

     “What is it? A girl? A booooy? A…uh, something?!” Mara pressured Varlan.

     “It’s…oh, Creators. How do I say this?” Varlan buried his face in his hands. “Look, Mara. You are an amazing woman. You’re beautiful and smart, cunning and talented. I know you just got your vallaslin last night and all, and you just barely turned eighteen, but…I-I really…care for…you. I know I don’t really show it the way I should have the past few years but I can’t hold in my feelings anymore! I just really, really need to ask you something before it’s too late…”

     Mara stopped chewing and stared straight ahead. Was this real life? Did the man she liked just tell her he cares for her?

     “Varlan…spit it out.” Mara finally turned her gaze onto her best friend. “Whatever you have to say cannot be that bad, for goodness sake.”

     Varlan just spilled everything out all at once and the next few words he said were fast and jumbled together. “Mara…I know we’ve never really been more than friends but, but we’ve known each other for such a long time and you’re an amazing person and I feel like I could be a good…uh, nevermind…anyways, I was just wondering, would you, uh, would you maybe consider...okay! Just do it, Varlan, you can do this!”

     “Varlan, please! Just stop with the stammering—?”

     “Would you be my wife? Marry me?”


	3. Chapter Two

     “What?” Mara dropped the rest of her breakfast into the stream by accident, too preoccupied with the question she was just asked.

     “I’m sorry, was this too sudden? It was too sudden, oh damn it, Ara.” Varlan flopped back onto the ground and covered his face.

     “Ara?” Mara was beyond confused.

     “Yes, she told me you did in fact like me back. She said you wouldn’t admit it, but she could tell. I thought that maybe we could try things out. I mean we’ve been friends this long, I don’t see why this wouldn’t work…”

     Mara blushed and smiled, rolled over and climbed on top of Varlan taking his hands off of his face so she could look at him. “I can’t give you an exact answer, yet, but…I’ll think about it. Let’s try things out and see where that goes. I really don’t want to rush things, you’re a great guy and a great friend, but if this doesn’t work out I don’t want our friendship to be ruined.” Mara kissed the tip of Varlan’s nose, got up and walked away to hide her red face.

~~~

     It was way past sunset and Mara should have left for home a long time ago, but she was so fascinated by the stories this strange human told her. An earlier story he told her was about the last blight. Her mother told her stories but she never heard stories of what happened to the humans. Xander told her that his father actually joined they Grey Wardens. Mara asked if his father got to meet the Hero of Ferelden.

     “Very briefly, but he said she was an amazing leader. Small, but mighty!” Xander laughed. “Last thing I heard was that she was trying to find the cure for whatever it is that makes the Grey Wardens die at a younger age than other people. Oh what was her name? Mi…Mia? Mila! Yes, that’s it. Mila, Hero of Ferelden!”

     “I love how she was an elf! I mean, she was a city elf, but at least she was an elf. She was so brave…” Mara smiled.

     “Yes I like how she was an elf, too.”

     “Liar,” Mara laughed. “You’re just saying that because I said that.”

     “No, I beg to differ, milady. I like the elves a lot. Would you like in on a little secret?” Xander’s lips twisted up into a sly half smile.

     Mara nodded, excited to hear a little secret.

     “My mother was an elf. A Dalish elf, no less.”

     “No way!” Mara gasped.

     “My Lady Mara, would I lie to you? She left her clan at a young age because she wanted to explore and she almost lived in an Alienage, but she met a human man, and they fell madly in love. They married and moved onto their own farm. A few years later when she was twenty, I was born!” Xander smiled. “I miss her, as well as my father.”

     “If you don’t mind me asking, where are they?” Mara asked politely.

     “My mother, she was killed. She was in the Alienage visiting a close friend when it was suddenly attacked and many people were killed. She was one of them. When my father found out, he got extremely mad and became stupid, going on a rampage hunting down her killer. They ended up killing him too. I was then taken in by the local chantry. Once I was old enough I just left and wandered around ever since. I guess I shouldn’t be wandering around, anymore, though.”

     Mara looked down at her hands. “I’m so sorry. I know what it is like to lose a parent. I lost my father when I was very young. Damned filthy shems killed him—oh! I’m sorry…”          

     Xander raised his hand. “It’s okay, I understand. You like me too much to call me a dirty shem anymore, anyways.” He winked and she playfully punched him.

     “Let me take a look at your leg, _shem_.” Mara giggled and took the blanket off of Xander. It’s been about a month and a half now, and with the elfroot his leg had been healing splendidly. “Wow, look at that. I think you’ll be able to walk soon.”

     Xander looked a little sad.

     “What’s the matter? You should be thrilled!” Mara smiled.

     “If I’ll be able to walk soon that means I can leave…which I assume you’d want me to do. I’ll miss our daily visits and story times.” Xander paused. “I’ll miss you…”

     “Oh. You’d miss me? Really?” Mara couldn’t believe her ears. “Also for the record, I wouldn’t want you to leave…”

     “Yes. I’ve really enjoyed my time with you. Humor me. If I were to come to this very spot every other day at the same time to meet you, would you do it? Would you spend time with me? I would love to get to know you better.” Xander asked hopefully.

     Mara had a feeling this was coming, and she knew what he meant. They could never be together though. He’s a human, her clan would never approve, and either way she was already sort of betrothed to Varlan. She couldn’t do that to her friend, as much as he irritated her now. He is a sweet man and any girl would be lucky to have him.

     “Please, Lady Mara. I would be honored to…well, the thing is…could I ask permission to court you?” Xander pleaded. “Normally I’d ask your father or mother but I see multiple reasons as to why that wouldn’t work and…”

     “Xander…I do like you, but I’m sort of, uh, I guess I am already engaged to another man. Well, not really yet, but I was asked, and I can’t do this I’m sorry—“

     “Don’t do this, Mara. What do you feel in your heart? Do you really love that man? Or are you just marrying him because it’s the right thing to do in your clan?”

     “Oh, slow down Xander, hold on.” Mara took a deep breath.

     Xander took Mara’s hand and held it tightly. “I like you…a lot.”

     Mara glanced at their entwined hands and sighed.

     “Tell me, please.” Xander brushed hair from her face and let his hand trail ever so lightly down, lingering on her neck. “If you don’t want this, just say the word and I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

     “No,” she whispered. “I don't want you to leave me.”

     Xander whispered back, “Then you’ll give me a chance?”

     Mara rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes hoping to open them and realize all of this was just a dream. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

     “I’ll look forward to it, milady.” Xander grinned from ear to ear.

~~~

     Mara felt butterflies in her stomach the whole way home. She was doing something totally stupid, irresponsible, and just plain dumb. She also felt alive and happier than she had ever been before.

     “Hey Mara! Hey…Mara. Mara?” Ara chased Mara to her tent.

     “Hmm?”

     “Whoa there, what’s up with you? You’re all…wooooo!” Ara laughed and made a funny face.

     Mara tried to hide the shock. Does Ara know? Did she see them? What if someone saw the two of them—?

     “Hello? Wake up, Mara! I hear Varlan is gonna be getting some people together tonight to witness something exciting!” Ara clapped. “I bet I know what that means!”

     “That he’s going to ask me to marry him again?” Mara muttered.

     “Okay first of all _what_ is with the _grumpiness_? And two, did you say ‘again’?”

     Mara relayed the whole story of Varlan and how he asked her to marry him. She obviously left out the part where she spent the whole afternoon with her human friend. Mara didn’t think that was quite necessary at the moment.

     “And you said…?” Ara eyed Mara curiously.

     “Apparently he thought I’d definitely say yes according to you, Ara.” Mara narrowed her eyes.

     “Did you give him any answer, then?” Ara asked impatiently.

     “No, I didn’t.”

     “Damn.”

     “Look, I know you care about me and all, and I know Varlan is a very good man, but first of all I was almost certain he had feelings for you, not me. I mean, I just turned eighteen not too long ago, you’re a little older and mature than I am and I feel you would definitely be a better wife for him. I still have some growing up to do. And what if we end up hating each other? I don’t want to lose our friendship!” Mara flopped down in her tent. “Don’t get me wrong, I like him. I’m just afraid. This is a big step that I don’t feel ready for.”

     Ara sighed and gently sat down by Mara, setting a caring and reassuring arm around her closest friend. “Mara, how would this not be a good thing? He’s probably the best match for you here! You’re so lucky to have a man like him being interested in you. I mean, you’re lucky you’re not being matched up with some random asshole.” Ara looked down at her lap. “I don’t need a man right now, I’m okay. He’s going to treat you so well, Mara. If you don’t feel comfortable, though…if he ends up mistreating you, you just let me know and I’ll take care of it, da’len. You are basically my little sister, and I love you dearly.”

     “I’m just not ready for this, I guess.” Mara said again.

     “Just tell him yes, if you feel like he’s not the one before the wedding then you can back out, but please give him a chance.” Ara suggested. “Just please tell me anything, good or bad, even if you think you shouldn’t.”

     Mara nodded as Ara got up and left, telling Mara that she should fix her hair because it was a little messy. As she started braiding her long, reddish brown hair Mara contemplated what she should do. She could say yes and marry Varlan and just forget about Xander altogether. On the other hand she could be betrothed to Varlan and give him a chance all while meeting up with this mysterious and intriguing human man. She would feel guilty but there was just something about Xander that Mara was drawn to.

     As the sun set and Mara’s tent became dark, she figured it was time to head towards the meeting area. She felt beautiful for once, thanks to Ara’s suggestions. Mara braided flowers into her hair, changed into her brightly colored clothing that brought out her blue vallaslin even more, and lined her bright eyes with some dark colors.

     “Mara! Looking good.” Ara winked.

     “Wow…you look gorgeous, emm’asha.” Mara’s mother smiled and wiped a conspicuous tear from the corner of her eye before anyone would notice.

     Mara’s brother rolled his eyes but patted Mara on the shoulder with a knowing look on his face. “Why are you all dressed up?”

     Mara stuck her tongue out at Cam and took her seat by her mother and Ara. She heard murmurs from the clan and darting eyes, all focused on her. Mara blushed, she wished they would stop looking at her because she really hated attention. When she realized the clan wouldn’t stop, Mara subconsciously started biting her lip, only realizing she was doing so when she tasted blood.

     “Thank you all for coming together! I have a very important announcement to make, and I would like to share it with you now because I just cannot hold in my excitement anymore!” Mara heard Varlan first before she saw him. He looked, good. Not as striking as Xander, but he looked decent. He had white hair and dark but soft eyes, full lips and he was taller than most men in the clan.

     Ara nudged Mara as if saying, _go up there, you idiot!_

     “Mara, would you join me, please?” Varlan was standing in front of her, hand extended.

     Mara took his hand and followed him back towards the fire. Her palms were slick with sweat and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

     “So, I am proud to announce that Mara and I are getting married, everybody!” Varlan exclaimed with intense excitement.

     The people of the clan who attended cheered, and later as Varlan and Mara walked off to their special spot, the clan called out blessings to the new couple, the women happily gave Mara more flowers while the men slapped Varlan on the shoulder, proud that he finally found a woman.

     Mara was furious, and she could barely wait until they got to the stream. “Varlan, what the fuck?”

     “Um, wow, watch the language Mara.” Varlan looked surprised. “What’s the matter?”

     “What’s the matter? Varlan, I didn’t give you an answer yet! I wasn’t sure and I’m still not sure! I don’t like how you announced this big thing before discussing it more with me, damn it Varlan. Ugh.” Mara threw her hands up in the air and stared off into the night. “Look, I thought you were going to ask me to marry you again, this time in front of everyone. I didn’t expect this. I just don’t think that I’m good for you and I’m still so young I need time to grow up and—“

     Mara’s lips were silenced with a sudden and passionate kiss from Varlan. At first, Mara seemed to like it, but then thoughts of Xander ran through her head and she realized what she wanted. Mara shoved Varlan away.

     “Don’t do that ever again,” Mara warned. “I need some space and some time. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Mara started to take off once Varlan was out of sight. She needed a calm place to think.

~~~

     Mara felt like puking as she got closer to her cave. How could Varlan do that to her? He knew she wasn’t quite sure about the whole thing and he should have been a lot more sensitive to her feelings. After a few more minutes she finally arrived to see Xander reading a book she left him.

     “Hello there, I didn’t expect to see you until morning, Lady Mara…what’s wrong?” Xander looked concerned once he saw Mara crying. Was she crying? She didn’t realize she started to do so.

     “Mara. Hey what’s going on?” Xander opened his arms to welcome her onto his lap and into his arms.

     Mara let herself fall into his strong, safe arms and told him everything that happened with Ara, her clan, and Varlan.

     “You’re marrying him?” Xander’s disappointed voice was barely above a whisper in Mara’s ear.

     She turned to look into his eyes. “I don’t want to if that’s what you’re asking.”

     “I thought so.” Xander paused. “I don’t want you too, either.”

     "You don't say?" Mara rolled her eyes, but relaxed and let her mind wander a bit.

     Xander played with her braid and smiled. “You look beautiful.”

     Mara laughed and replied, “You’re looking kind of rough if you ask me, though. You need a bath. Can you walk?”

     “I hope so if that means I get to bathe with you,” Xander grinned and winked, hoping he was cheering Mara up.

     Mara rolled her eyes again, this time more dramatically, and helped Xander up.

     After ten minutes and a few stumbles here and there, they arrived at a small pond connected to Mara’s favorite stream. She helped Xander take his shirt off, trying not to get distracted by his physique, or by the fact that she was undressing a man other than the one she was supposed to marry. As she folded his shirt, Mara noticed multiple scars on his back. She set his Xander’s shirt down on the ground and slowly and gently traced one large scar that went from his left shoulder down to the small of his back. Mara felt him shiver.

     “One day I’ll tell you how I got those. But for now, let’s just get cleaned up.” Xander sounded oddly quiet.

     Mara helped him out of his pants and stopped at his smallclothes. “I mean, you can probably do that yourself if you’d like.” Mara bit her lip.

     “You’re biting your lip.” Xander smirked.

     “Shut up.” Mara’s face felt hot. “I’ll turn around.”

     Xander stripped out of his smallclothes and dipped into the water as Mara blushed even more. Thank goodness he couldn’t really see her face, Mara thought.

     “Well aren’t you getting in, too?” Xander asked.

     “Um, no.” Mara laughed nervously. "I'm clean enough."

     “I think you need to go for a swim, it’s a hot night, a swim in this lovely pond would do you well.” Xander splashed water at Mara. “Don’t be a wimp! Do it!”

     Mara narrowed her eyes, “I am not a wimp!” She started undressing then realized Xander was quietly watching. She kicked water at him and shouted, “Don’t look!”

     Xander put his hands up, surrendering and going underwater to give her some privacy. Mara quickly stripped all of her clothing off and slipped swiftly into the cool, calming water. Xander returned, gasping for air.

     “Alright I’m here, now you need to clean up.” Mara mumbled, feeling self-conscious she folded her arms over her breasts. The water came to Xander’s stomach area while it ended at Mara’s collar bone. Even though most of the water covered her she didn’t want him to see her body.

     “Why are you all the way over there?”

     “I’m swimming.”

     “No you’re not." Xander softly chuckled.

     “Yes I am. See? Splash, splash. Kick, kick.”

     Xander shook his head, smiling at Mara's timidness.

     Mara sighed. If he wanted her as much as she wanted him, then he must be aching.

     “I need to stay over here or…or bad things will happen.” Mara explained.

     “So let them…” Xander swam in Mara’s direction, a dangerous and exciting look in his eyes.


	4. Chapter Three

     “Xander I really shouldn’t…” Mara trailed off, losing her train of thought as he wrapped his arms around her and planted kisses along her jaw. “Seriously this is so wrong.” Mara tried pushing Xander away.

     Xander realized she felt uncomfortable, so he obeyed. He stopped the kissing but kept his arms firmly wrapped around her, never wanting to let her go.

     “I know what you’re wanting, but us Dalish, we don’t do this _stuff_ until we’re married. It’s just not right.” Mara softly said.

     Xander looked down at Mara as she folded her arms around herself, staring off into the distance.

     “I mean, don’t get me wrong…I really, really want to… _really._ ”

     Xander put a hand under her chin. “Look at me. Mara, at this point I would gladly marry you…”

     “Lies. Men only want one thing. Also, you’ve only known me for a month. How could you possibly know that you want to marry someone that soon…?” Mara glared. “I could be a crazy Dalsih elf that murders shemlen like you after they learn to trust me. You would never see it coming.”

     “First of all it has been like a month and a half, milady. Also it’s hard to see you murdering people, especially after you saved my life. But I’m serious. I know we may have not known each other for long but I care for you a lot. You took care of me when you really didn’t have to, a human. I may even dare to say that I love you…” Xander’s face turned red and hot at the sudden confession. “Yes. I’ve fallen hard for you. I know this may be too fast, too soon. But, there you have it.”

     Did he really just say that?

     Mara looked up to him in shock. What should she do? If she married Varlan, he would treat her well and they could have Dalish children and live their lives like normal, like it should be. But if she marries him, she also will never know what it’s like to be with her possible true love, her soul mate, even. She would always have the temptation to run away with Xander, leaving behind her mother, her husband, her potential children, her family, her clan. If she didn’t marry Varlan and married Xander instead, she would know she married for love. The only problem is that she didn’t know what that would mean for her family. Mara was certain the clan would not approve of this marriage, neither would her mother or brother, and definitely not Ara. Where would they live? All she ever knew was how to live like her Dalish clan.

     Why was Mara worrying so much? She had time to figure this out. She could be with Xander, and be engaged to Varlan. Maybe letting things run its course will make her realize what she really wants. All she knew is that she couldn’t deny her feelings for Xander, this strange, random, mysterious yet amazing human.

     “Ar lath ma.”

     Xander grinned from ear to ear when he heard those words escape Mara’s mouth. “I was hoping you would say that.”

     “What? You understood that?” Mara asked in shock. “I kinda hoped you wouldn’t.”

     “My mother was Dalish, remember?” Xander hugged Mara close to his chest. He then passionately kissed his love and held her tightly, making her know how much he cared for her.

     Mara finally kissed him back. This kiss was so different from others she had. She kissed a few guys, not many, but a few. Some were awkward, and the one from Varlan was too forceful, like he wanted to try too hard. This kiss was full of love, passion, and purity. Xander wasn’t holding back or hiding anything, he completely opened himself up to her.

     Breathless, Mara pulled away. “I think it’s time we head back. It’s getting cold—“

     “I can tell,” Xander winked and chuckled.

     Mara felt her face getting really hot and splashed water on her face to cool down. “So inappropriate,” she mumbled.

     About a half an hour later, Mara and Xander were dressed and arriving at their cave. Mara shivered from the cool night air and her still dripping wet hair. She started a fire while Xander situated himself on the sleeping mat.

     “Stay with me tonight?” Xander suggested.

     “Ara, my brother, Varlan, they’d all wonder where I am. After my little tantrum, Varlan would be worried if I didn’t come back. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

     Xander smiled. “Okay, I’ll absolutely look forward to it, my beautiful Lady Mara.”

     “As will I,” Mara playfully grinned.

~~~

     Mara arrived back at her camp just as the sky got brighter. It was still early in the morning. She couldn’t believe she didn’t get any sleep last night, nor could she believe that she kissed a shem, in a pond, completely naked. A few months ago she would have never even considered befriending a random man outside of her clan and now here she was contemplating marrying a human and running away. Maybe. Just maybe.

     As Mara entered her tent she heard her brother behind her. She turned around and saw that he was already dressed to go out into the forest.

     “Morning, Cam.” Mara smiled sleepily.

     “Good morning, Mara. I’m surprised you’re awake this early, you had a late night.” Cam asked.

     “Uh yeah, lots of…excitement.”

     “You don’t sound very happy.” Cam stated. “Let’s have some Cam and Mara time, what do you think? Talk about things since soon you’ll be a married woman having babies, and I’ll be a married man even sooner! Then we’ll never have time,” Cam laughed and nudged Mara.

     Mara almost forgot that Cam was engaged, too. His soon-to-be wife was a beautiful dark-skinned woman with black hair and brown eyes. She came from another clan nearby. Cam was right, though. Once they were both married neither would have time to do their weekly “thing” together.

     “Okay, let me change and I’ll be out.” Mara yawned and rubbed her sleepy eyes.

     Mara entered her tent and picked out some warmer armor to change into since she knew they’d be out hunting. It was their favorite pastime. They would practice archery and hunt things to make armor, clothing, whatever they needed for the clan. Thinking about what Cam said, she realized she would really miss these times with him and if she decided to go with Xander, she would really miss Cam, then.

     “Okay I’m ready, let’s go!” Mara poked Cam.

     Mara and Cam headed into the forest, but they were going in the direction of the cave, and Mara got nervous. She tried to guide Cam in a different direction but he wouldn’t budge from his path.

     “So why aren’t you happy about this engagement, Mara?” Cam asked curiously.

     “I just don’t think we’re the right match.” Mara muttered.

     “Are you kidding? You two are perfect.” Cam sounded surprised. “You used to look at him with such…I don’t know, intensity? Now it seems you can’t bear to be with him for too long. Why?”

     “He just upsets me. He asked me earlier that day to marry him, I said I would think about it, and he brings almost the whole clan together to announce our nonexistent engagement! Where was my say in that, huh?” Mara was getting upset.

     “Mara, I’m sorry, calm down.”

     “No, Cam. I’m not going to calm down. Everyone thinks I’m crazy for not being happy about this marriage but I just can’t be sure about such a big decision right now!” Mara yelled. She was sure Xander could hear her since the cave wasn’t far from this pond. “I’m not ready!”

     “Well whatever you decide, I’ll support you and be there for you. Ha, you could even marry a shem!” Cam laughed.

     “Good,” Mara forced herself to laugh.

     “I love you, Mara. You’re my sister and I always will. We have to stick together, no matter what.”

     “I love you, too. I’m glad I have you as my brother.” A few moments later, Mara asked, “Are you sure you’d support me no matter what?”

     “No matter what, Mara. Why? What’s going on?” Cam stopped to look at his sister. “Is there another reason why you don’t want to marry Varlan?”

     “I…I uh.” Mara looked at her reflection in the water. “I think I’m in love with someone else.”

     “Well this is good news, Mara! If you found someone why hide them?” Cam was definitely confused by this point.

     “Cam, I didn’t think the clan would approve.”

     “Why—ohh wait…”

     “Yeah.”

     “Why?”

     “Well, why do _you_ love someone? He’s amazing, Cam. He makes me feel special, and he treats me well. He’s a great person.” Mara exclaimed.

     “You can figure out what to do, yourself…I’m not going to tell you what to do. To be honest, I had a little thing like this happen to me when I was your age.” Cam confessed.

     “This isn’t a _thing_ , Cam.” Mara narrowed her eyes. “When I’m around him, I feel—“

     “I grew out of it, so will you…if you decide he’s definitely the one, well, then, I’ll do what I can for you. I don’t think you should get involved with a shem, but you’re growing up and I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Cam rested his hands on Mara’s shoulders. “You’re my little sister, I need to take care of you.”

     “Thanks.” Mara felt relieved and finally figured out the answer to her dilemma. “Oh before I forget, uh, please don’t tell anyone yet…”

     “Wouldn’t dream of it, lethallan.”


	5. Chapter Four

     “Mara, I need you to stay close to camp today.” Said Mara’s mother.

     “Uh…why? I have things I need to do!” Mara complained as she stealthily slid some extra food and water into her pack.

     “Well first off, I’m your mother and you need to listen to me.” She gave Mara a stern look. “But seriously I’m going to need your help today. Selenia is going to have her child today, I’m sure of it. I may need your help. Also we need to start packing our things because once Selenia and the child are well enough, we are going to be moving again.”

     Mara felt her blood go cold. They’re leaving soon. What will that mean for her lover? He surely wouldn’t pick up everything and follow them, just for her. That would be stupid. Xander has a home, she was sure. He couldn’t just leave everything he knew. How could she be so naive? Of course she should have realized this relationship wouldn't be forever, because one day they would have to move, and obviously that day would be coming soon.

     “Mara, are you listening?”

     “Yes, mamae.” Mara sighed. “Can I please just run out and get some things for a little while? I promise I will be back before morning is over. I’m sure Selenia won’t have the baby before then.” It was still dark and Mara figured she’d have enough time to talk to Xander about everything.

     “Fine but while you’re out, fetch some extra elfroot for me, please.” Mara’s mother requested.

     “Anything for you, mother.” Mara planted a kiss on her mother’s cheek and darted away, trying to hide her fright and anger about moving soon.

~~~

     As Mara approached the cave, she saw no sign of Xander. The sleeping mat as well as the book she gave him were both gone. Mara figured this was it, he got bored and left her for good. She knew it would happen someday, and maybe it’s a good thing that he left since they would be leaving the area soon enough.

     Mara decided to take a quick swim in the pond. It was still quite early and the sun was just rising over the broad horizon. Quickly glancing around the area, Mara made sure there was no one around. She then slipped out of her clothing and jumped into the pond, letting her whole body go underwater. It was cold, but she felt alive and refreshed. There was something about water that Mara loved, but she didn’t really know what it was, exactly. Maybe it was the idea that water was pure and cleansing.

     As Mara let her body float in the pool of cool, clean water, she let her mind start to wander. What if Xander were here right now? Would he embrace her? Kiss her? She remembered the first time they kissed and wished she could kiss him just one more time. The feeling of his rough hands on her body, probably calloused from working on the farm when he was young, and his gentle yet sure kiss on her lips, her jaw, her neck.

     Mara remembered another time where she was celebrating the birth of a new child with Ara a couple weeks ago and Ara decided that she should get Mara drunk for the first time. At first, Mara was really nervous and worried that she would accidentally tell Ara about her shemlen lover, but fortunately she didn’t. Once Ara was passed out, Mara drunkenly made her way to the cave, stumbling through the forest the whole time.

     “Good evening, milady…” Xander greeted Mara with open arms. Mara, of course, accepted and clumsily collapsed into them.

     “Y’know, you’re so handsome, I like you a lot,” Mara slurred and rested her head on Xander’s shoulder.

     “Lady Mara, have you been drinking? Actually, ‘tis a stupid question, I can answer that myself just smelling you.” Xander chuckled. “First time?”

     “Maaaayyyyybe.”

     “I think you should have stayed home tonight, love.”

     “Awww you called me love. How cute.” Mara giggled.

     “Darling, seriously, you’re quite drunk…”

     “No,” Mara hiccuped, “kidding.”

     Xander took his water and tried to make Mara drink some. She refused, but he forced the bottle to her lips. “Drink.”

     “I don’t take orders from shemlen, ser.” Mara said after taking a couple sips of water.

     Xander shook his head and laughed at Mara’s silliness.

     “Ohh you’re sooo hand…some.” Mara hiccuped again as she started to take Xander’s shirt off.

     “Uh, Mara, my dear…”

     “Shh!” Mara put a finger to Xander’s lips to silence him. Once he obeyed she started to take her own clothing off.

     “Lady Mara, what are you doing?”

     “I want you, right now!” Mara whined.

     “No, sweetheart,” Xander tried to hold back a chuckle. “You’re drunk, you need to sleep this off, first. I will not do this to you unless you are sober.”

     “Wha…? You just don’t like me!” Mara started to cry. “You. I’m just some random elf girl you wanted…to…” Mara trailed off into drunken sobs.

     Xander took Mara back into his arms, put his shirt on her and laid her down beside him, rubbing her back so she would calm down and fall asleep. He poked the fire to keep it ablaze, had Mara sip more water, and covered both of their bodies up. He held Mara tightly and they both fell asleep.

     Mara was extremely embarrassed about that whole episode, but she did realize how much she still wanted him. Usually she would wait until marriage, but to her, they were already engaged to each other. Xander already said he would marry her, and she agreed to marry him someday when they were able. But he was gone, he left.

     “You’re so beautiful.” A deep voice startled Mara out of her daydreaming.

     Mara’s eyes opened quickly and darted around the pond as she slipped her body back under water with the exception of her head, not wanting this stranger to see her completely naked.

     “Behind you, darling.”

     Mara slowly turned around to see Xander in the water, as naked as she, once again. “Hi.”

     “Hello, my love.” Xander smiled and closed the space between the two of them.

     “I, uh, I thought you left…” Mara confessed.

     “Oh, I had to relocate for the night. I heard some people from your clan last night, they seemed to be looking for something. I didn’t know how they would react if they found me.” Xander laughed. “I know, that sounds silly.”

     Mara laughed and embraced Xander, enjoyed the feeling of his bare skin against hers. “I love you just the way you are, no need to worry.”

     “Good.” Xander smiled and returned the embrace, letting his right hand trail up and down Mara’s spine, making her shiver. “You know I love you, right?”

     “Yes,” Mara replied. “You know I feel the same, right?”

     “Absolutely." Xander paused and let a chuckle escape his lips. "So do you remember that night you came to me, drunk as could be?”

     “I just remember showing up, everything is very blurry after that,” Mara lied and buried her face in his chest to hide her rosy cheeks.

     “No need to be embarrassed, we’ve all been there once.” Xander couldn’t control his laughter by now.

     Mara smiled, shook her head, and playfully hit Xander.

     Xander’s innocent smile turned into a mischievous grin and he let his hands slide a little further down Mara’s spine, down to the small of her back. He held her tighter and kissed Mara deeply.

     “Have you...you know?” Mara finally found her voice. She stepped back slightly to look into his eyes, letting his large hands rest on her hips.

     “Honestly…yes I have. But, those women were nothing like you…”

     “Yeah because they were human…” Mara muttered and looked away, feeling a little self-conscious.

     Xander lifted one hand out of the water to cup her chin so she was forced to look at him. “That has nothing to do with it, Mara. I know you know that. You’re you, and that is what I love about you.”

     Mara let a small smile creep onto her face and she kissed the tip of Xander’s nose. “I have a little secret,” she whispered.

     “Am I allowed to know this secret?” Xander gripped Mara close to his body, waiting for the answer.

     Wrapping her arms around Xander’s neck and letting him pick her up so she was only halfway in the water, Mara confessed, “I still want you.”

~~~

     “You can do this!" Mara's mother said to Selenia.

     “No I can’t!” Selenia was exhausted after being in labor all day long. Sometimes, seeing things like this made Mara not want children.

     “Selenia, you’re almost there, I know you can do it, just one more push!” Mara tried to help out by saying encouraging things even though she barely believed her own words.

     Next thing they knew, the baby was born and Selenia was ready to sleep the night away. It was dark and way past sunset. Mara was hoping to sneak away but with all the excitement about a healthy baby, it seemed nearly impossible. She forgot to tell Xander that the clan was getting ready to move soon, and after this morning she wasn’t sure if she could leave without him. Mara thought they had at least two months so that mother and child could be ready to travel. If Mara was lucky they would maybe have three months. But, if it weren’t for the baby they probably would have relocated next week for all she knew.

     Mara came up with an excuse to sneak out again. “Mother, I think we need more elfroot, I can go look for some now…” She suggested.

     “I suppose you’re right. Just please don’t be long.”

     Mara grinned and picked up her bag, leaving before anyone could catch her.

     “Hey Maraaaa! Healthy baby boy! We need to celebrate!” Ara popped up out of nowhere it seemed.

     “Seriously? Drunk again?” Mara muttered.

     “Nah, but I’m close. Whatchya doing? Please come celebrate with me?” Ara pleaded.

     “No, Ara. I need to get more elfroot.” Mara said.

     “Oh, hey Mara you really shouldn’t go out this late alone…” Now Varlan showed up out of nowhere. Mara was getting upset.

     “No, Ara, Varlan, I’m fine. I don’t want to drink and I can handle myself out there. Goodbye to both of you. I’ll see you later.” Mara stomped away but heard one pair of footsteps behind her.

     “Mara I just wanted to talk. I haven’t seen you in a while. You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”

     “What do you want, Varlan?” Mara stopped in her tracks, not even turning around to face him.

     “I just…” Varlan moved around so that he was in front of her. “I figured we should maybe, you know, have our wedding soon before we relocate. Don’t you think?”

     “Why? What’s the rush?” Mara asked nervously.

     “I just uh, oh shit. I just don’t want you to find someone better if we come across other Dalish or something. I really want you to want me…” Varlan confessed.

     “What? Are you serious? You think marrying you will make me want you?! Ugh, I don’t have time for this, Varlan, seriously, I have to go, I’ll be back in a little bit.” Mara grumbled in frustration.

     “You’ll have to tell the Keeper that, then. I asked if we could have our wedding in about a month…”

     “WHAT?” Mara spat.

     “I felt like if I didn’t schedule it soon we would never be married.” Varlan had a frightened look on his face. Anyone would be afraid of the wrath of Mara. She may have looked sweet and innocent, but she could really get angry if the situation bothered her. And this situation? It bothered her.

     “Look, Varlan. You’re a great man and a good friend, but I don’t want to marry you. I’m in love with someone else and…ugh just…I’ll talk to you later.” Mara ran away, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

     Arriving to the cave, Mara felt better seeing a small campfire and Xander snoozing away, the book she let him borrow open, laying on his chest. Mara quietly fell to her knees and reached over to kiss Xander on the cheek, hoping it would wake him up.

     Xander’s sleepy eyes fluttered open, and a smile stretched across his face when he saw Mara’s pale face inches from his. “Well hello, there, my love. You're a sight for sore eyes. I dreamt of some odd things...”

     “Good evening, sleepy head.” Mara smiled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and Xander noticed.

     “Darling? What's the matter?” Xander sighed and opened his arms and let Mara rest on top of him. He was tired of seeing Mara hurting and wished he could do something to help her.

     “Well, let’s see, here. My wedding is scheduled for next month, and maybe in two to three months we are relocating…” Mara frowned.

     Xander cradled her close to him. He kissed her hair, her forehead, her nose, her lips, and hummed a soothing tune.

     “What do we do?” Mara whispered.

     “We’ll figure something out. I promise. I’ll never let you go, my love.” Xander tried to hide the worry from his voice.


	6. Chapter Five

     Two months later after that night, Mara was a day away from her wedding and the clan was ready to move away soon after the wedding. Mara was able to ask the Keeper if they could wait two months instead of one month to get married, and the Keeper agreed. It would give her and Xander extra time to plan. Varlan wasn’t extremely thrilled, but Mara didn’t care what he thought. As far as she was concerned they weren’t getting married. Ever.

     Xander and Mara exchanged their own personal vows about a month ago. It wasn’t anything big, but it meant that they were officially together and nothing could rip them apart. Their plan was to have an actual wedding after they ran away to the nearest city. Mara didn’t want to run away, but it was the only hope she had to be able to have her life with Xander. Their original plans were that she would go through the wedding with Varlan, relocate with the clan, then once they arrived to their next home, Mara and Xander would run off to the next city and build their new lives together.

     It was her last night of sneaking away for a while, so Mara spent some time with Xander the night before the wedding.

     “So, I decided I want to leave tomorrow before the wedding. I don’t want to go through with it. Uh, I also have something important to tell you.” Mara said hesitantly.

     “We can do that, love. What else is so important though?” Xander hugged Mara close.

     “I’m uh, well…remember our first time, uh, _together?”_ Mara couldn’t help her stuttering, she was so nervous.

     “How could I forget?” Xander grinned playfully. “Why, you wanna do it again? Because I’m down for it.”

     “Creators… _men!”_ Mara snorted and rolled her eyes but then added, “But, I mean, I would definitely want to do it again.”

     “I’m sorry, I’ll be serious. What is, sweetheart?” Xander asked softly.

     “I don’t know how to say it…” Mara searched for the right way to break the news and glanced down towards her stomach.

     Her lover’s body tensed a bit and his eyes darted down to her stomach as well.

     Mara saw this and gently nodded. “You’re going to be a father.”

     Xander felt dread and joy all at the same time. Mara felt the same way, and she felt him lay a hand on her now flat stomach, his whole hand almost reaching from one side to the other. A little laugh escaped Mara’s throat and she saw a tear roll down Xander’s cheek.

     “You’re crying,” Mara observed. "Are you okay?"

     “I’m just, happy. I never thought I would have a child.” Xander smiled. “I do have something important to tell you. I’ve been hiding it from everyone I know, including my family. I didn’t want to go to the Circle. I didn’t want to be trapped in some tower…”

     “You’re a mage.”

     “Yes. Only my sister knew, and she took it to the grave. She died of the blight, we were living in Lothering at the time. I knew of one other apostate there, actually. She's a Grey Warden now. Anyway, I left to find some supplies since the merchant in town was charging outrageous prices, until the Hero of Ferelden came along. She knocked some sense into that ass. Anyway, I left and got pulled into helping the Hero in Redcliffe. They had some kind of dead attacking the city, so I helped fight them off. When I finally returned to Lothering, it was taken over by darkspawn and I snuck myself into our house. I found her, sick and hiding in a closet. She was almost dead. I tried to save her but I—I couldn’t. It’s all my fault…” Xander bit his lip, trying his hardest to hold back the tears. “Anyway, my point was to warn you. This child of ours, it could possibly have the chance to be like me…and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

     “That doesn’t bother me. He or she will be safe. You survived without going to the Circle. We have some mages in our clan. I don’t understand what the big deal is.” Mara said.

     “How do you feel about this? Having a child?” Xander asked curiously.

     Honestly? Mara was scared out of her mind, she didn’t want children this soon, and after seeing Selenia give birth, Mara was scared for that time to come. She was also sad that her family wouldn't be involved in this child's life since Mara's clan would definitely not approve. She didn’t want Xander to worry, though, so she just replied with, “I feel fine, I’m only a little nervous.”

     “Well…I’ll have the wagon and horse ready to go before dawn.” Xander hugged Mara tightly.

     “I need to go back, I think Ara is waiting for me.”

     “Okay. I will be here, waiting for you. I love you.” Xander planted a soft kiss on Mara’s lips, wishing she didn’t have to leave him again.

     “I love you too.” Mara kissed Xander back and gathered her things, fighting the urge to stay longer. “See you soon, emma lath.”

     As Mara headed back to the clan, she thought about this baby growing inside of her. How could she be so stupid and careless? She should have known better than to risk this. If father were here, and he knew, oh he would be furious. He'd kill Xander, no doubt. Mara figured her brother would be the same way, so she couldn’t tell him. She decided to tell Ara, because she would know what to do and what to say.     

     “Mara! Where. Have. You. Been?! It’s the night before your wedding we need to celebrate!”

     “Ara, really? I don’t think drinking the night before the wedding is a good idea. I’ll be sick all day tomorrow.” Then Mara muttered, “Not like I’m sick every morning now…”

     “What? Why are you sick every morning…?” Ara asked suspiciously.

     “Huh? Just uh, haven’t been feeling well.” Mara sighed. She was hoping Ara didn’t hear that part.

     “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? You can’t be sick for your wedding…it might be serious, especially being sick every…morning…WAIT A MINUTE! I’m not stupid…” Ara glared at Mara.

     “What? What?” Mara tried to play dumb.

     Ara raised an eyebrow.

     “Fine.” Mara huffed. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

     “You need to tell me, I promise I won’t say a word to anyone, you’re like a little sister to me and I would never do that to you.” Ara softened her gaze on Mara.

     Mara pulled Ara closer so no one else would hear by accident. “I’m…pregnant.”

     “How do you feel?”

     “Honestly I’m so scared. I didn’t want this—I didn’t plan this! I can’t have a baby yet…” Mara cried.

     Ara comforted her and led her to Ara’s tent.

     The two of them plopped down on the pillows and Ara kept an arm around Mara, using her other hand to give Mara a drink. Mara thanked her friend and greedily drank.

     “I am so scared. What do I do?” Mara asked.

     “Do what feels right, don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to keep the baby, get rid of the baby, lie about anything, or anything else. What will help is to tell people right away so there are no surprises down the road.” Ara suggested.

     Mara let these words sink in. Should she lie? Should she tell the truth? What if her brother and/or Ara want to hunt Xander down and make him pay for this? Would they realize this was her choice, too?

     “Oh since you weren’t here, Varlan got the Keeper to move the wedding to sunrise tomorrow morning, he knows how you like sunrises.” Ara said softly.

     “Oh shit, really? I’m going to be so tired. I need to get some sleep.” Mara complained.

     “Just sleep here, I’ll go get your wedding dress and anything else we’ll need tomorrow, you just sleep.”

     Mara thanked her best friend and started to lie down when Ara popped her head back into the tent.

     “Mara?”

     “Yes?”

     “It’s Varlan’s, right?”

     Mara’s blood ran cold. Should she just tell her the truth? She was leaving in the morning, anyway. Mara bit her lip so hard she tasted the metallic warmth in her mouth before replying softly, "Of course...”

~~~

     “Gooodmorning Mara!” Ara poked Mara’s nose.

     “Just a little more…” Mara muttered incoherently.

     “Come on it’s your wedding day. Ara shoved Mara out of her sleeping mat.

     “Fuck!” Mara jolted awake.

     “Wow, little miss mouthy. What happened to innocent little Mara?” Ara joked. “Let’s get you ready!”

     “I have a headache, let’s just cancel the whole thing so I can go back to bed.” Mara grumbled.

     “How about you chew some of this bark and your headache will go away!” Ara grinned.

     “Fine.”

     As the sky turned into a lighter gray-blue color, Mara knew it was almost time. She couldn’t breathe as she wrote a few more words on her letter to her family:

     _Ar lath ma, all of you. Ara, you have been such a wonderful friend. Cam, I’ll never forget you and I will always love you, my older brother. Mother, I will miss you so much. Varlan, ir abelas. I cannot say how sorry I am. You deserve someone better than me. I love you all. I’m scared. But I am also excited to start this new journey. I know you deserve an explanation and maybe someday I can give it to you. Forgive me. I love you all. Again, I am so very sorry. Dareth shirlal. -Mara_

 

     Mara left the letter on Ara’s sleeping mat, gathered what she could, and ran.


	7. Chapter Six

     By the time Mara arrived to the cave, Xander was gone along with everything in the cave, as if no one ever occupied it. Mara panicked and searched furiously for him. Finally she remembered him saying he would be waiting for her, and she looked down onto the nearby road and found him, feeding the horse.

     “Xander! We need to go!” Mara yelled, running down the steep hill towards him.

     “Slow down, dear, wow.” Xander held his arms out as she slammed into his body with great force, knocking the two of them over onto the ground.

     “Sorry,” Mara giggled and kissed Xander. “I love you, let’s go now. I left a letter, I couldn’t say my goodbyes. The wedding was moved to sunrise!”

     “Okay, let’s get out of here.” Xander smiled.

     Xander grunted as he got up, and then helped Mara up, brushing dust off of her lightly tattered dress. “You do look beautiful, by the way. As you always do.”

     “Thank you, my mother made this dress for me.” Mara slightly smiled.

     Mara climbed into the wagon, and shortly after Xander joined her. He looked over to ask, _are you ready?_ Mara smiled and nodded. She will definitely miss her family and her clan, but she realized that now her family would be Xander.

     As they drove away from the only life she knew, Mara heard her name being called from a distance. Could it have been Varlan?

~~~

“I feel like I’m going to burst any day now,” Mara complained, resting her hands on her extremely large stomach.

     “Well, you look wonderful, darling.” Xander yawned.

     They were still in bed, neither wanted to get out of it, either. The couple didn’t get much sleep because Mara just couldn’t get comfortable. She was undeniably due any day, and she was extremely nervous to not have Ara with her. She felt that Ara could give her good advice and help her through a scary time in her life. Unfortunately, Mara didn’t know anything about where her clan could be. She assumed they were far away by now.

     “I think I should go for a walk today, you know, stretch and try to get this labor started. I’m sick of being a big balloon!” Mara grumbled.

     “Is that really a good idea?”

     Mara glared at Xander.

     “Sorry!” Xander held up his hands in surrender.

     Xander helped his wife up out of bed, helped her get dressed, and sent her on her way while he made last minute preparations for their child.

     “Please be careful, sweetheart. I’d like to go with you but I know you like taking walks alone.” Xander said.

     “I’ll be fine, love you.” Mara replied.

     As she made her way through town, she looked behind to see if Xander was watching. Luckily for her, he wasn’t, so Mara darted over to the tree line and made her way through the forest. Living in a small city made her miss the trees and grass when she lived with her clan.

     “M…Mara? Mara! Mara it’s you, holy shit!” Someone out of site started giggling out of control.

     Mara looked around, confused. “Who…?”

     “It’s me!” Ara poked her head out from behind a large, moss-covered tree. “Oh wow I’ve missed you!”

     “Ara!” Mara grinned.

     “Hi. Where the fuck did you go? We looked everywhere for you before we left! And why are you out here? Where are you living? Where is this Xander? I wanna beat his fucking ass, I’m so angry. Creators, but I missed you so much, damn it!”

     “Slow down…” Mara raised her hands, halting Ara’s thousand and one questions.

     “Just tell me what is going on!” Ara commanded.

     “Okay, so I met someone in the forest after I was training with you one day. He was injured and being the good person I am, I nursed him back to health.” Mara began. “We just, clicked and we fell in love. I did something stupid and agreed to marry him one day, and I did something even more stupid and, well, this…” Mara gestured to her large, round stomach, “…happened. We’re in love, Ara.”

     “I’m assuming he isn’t an elf? That’s why you left?” Ara asked impatiently.

     Mara nodded shyly, not trusting her voice at the moment.

     “Damn it, Mara. I still support you and all, but seriously? Why did you do that? I thought you knew better?” Ara gently scolded.

     “I know but, he makes me happy. We truly love each other. I couldn’t marry someone else if I’m in love with another man. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the other person!”

     “Well, it’s over and done with now. I don’t approve of your choices, obviously, but I know you’re going to need help and support when you have this baby. Speaking of baby, you are, uh, very pregnant.” Ara shook her head.

     “Yeah no kidding,” Mara laughed, and looked off into the forest. “Ara I’m scared.”

     “Oh, it isn’t as bad as you think—“

     "Shut up! That’s what you said about the vallaslin!” Mara cut her best friend off.

     “Okay, well, would you like my help?”

     “Please?” Mara whispered.

     “Absolutely. Lead the way home, we’ll get you ready to go. Also, chew on some of this bark, maybe it’ll help you.” Ara said

As they made their way back to town, Mara chewed on the bark. Soon after they returned and headed to the house Mara felt sharp, deep pains coming from her lower abdomen.

“Damn it, oh shit, OW!” Mara grunted and froze in place.

“You’re going into labor we need to get you home.” Ara said soothingly.

Mara led Ara to her and Xander’s small house and plopped down on the bed as soon as they arrived.

“Damn it!” Mara yelled.

“What’s wrong…sweetheart!” Xander came from the back door after hearing his wife yelling.

“Hi, name’s Ara. Your wife's best friend. Nice to meet you, well not really but I’m being nice because Mara apparently loves you, although I don’t see what she loves, especially since you’re a filthy shem—“

“Ara Ara Ara shut up and help me, you can bicker with him later. There is a baby coming out of me and it’s hurting and this is scary and I am freaked out!” Mara shrieked.

All of the sudden, the pain subsided and was bearable. Mara relaxed and Xander and Ara helped Mara get more situated on the bed. Ara covered Mara with a blanket after checking how far along Mara was. Ara estimated it would be at least until late afternoon, early evening.

“I’ll go collect some elfroot and some other things. Stay with her and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Ara said to Xander without looking at him.

“Hi darling, I love you.” Xander massaged Mara’s stomach, trying to soothe his frightened young wife.

“What if something goes wrong? What if it, what if…?” Mara trailed off as another contraction racked her small body.

“Shhh, everything’s going to be fine, love.” Xander assured her.

~~~

It was finally afternoon and Ara returned with elfroot, tea, and to everyone’s surprise, Mara’s mother.

“I had a baby but I don’t remember everything about giving birth. Your mother knows how to deliver a baby and you need her here with you. The clan is nearby, obviously, if you didn’t know.” Ara explained.

“What? They don’t know what’s going on, do they?!” Mara panicked.

“Only your brother, Ara, and I know, da’len.” Mara’s mother replied. She shook her head at the sight of her pregnant daughter and shemlen husband, “Fen’Harel ma ghilana.”

“That didn’t sound good.” Xander muttered.

“Hush, shem.” Ara glared.

Mara was in an extreme amount of pain by this point. Her mother finally announced it was time to push. Xander held Mara’s hand and let her squeeze as hard as she needed.

“Fuck!” Mara screamed and then glared at Xander, gasping for breath. “You. Did. This. To. Me!”

“I’m sorry…” Xander hid his face as he quietly chuckled at how violent Mara got.

“Dirthara-ma!” Mara spat.

“Come on, push Mara, push!” Ara encouraged.

“Almost there, love. Almost.” Xander added.

After a few more long and breathtaking pushes, the baby finally arrived. The quiet room was pierced by the child’s wailing. Mara let her head fall back onto the pillow, crying tears of joy but feeling very exhausted. It felt like she was drained of every ounce of energy in her body and all she wanted to do was sleep the rest of the night away.

“Oh sweetheart, good job, my love.” Xander started crying tears of joy as well. “I love you so much, you know that?”

“It’s…a…giiiiirl!” Ara congratulated. “We need to celebrate tonight.”

“Are you kidding me?! She just had a child, Maker’s breath!” Xander grumbled.

     “Lighten up, shem.” Ara laughed.

     “Ara, ma halani. Mara needs some cleaning up. Xander, may I have a word?” Mara’s mother rested the child in the small box filled with blankets and motioned for Xander to meet her outside.

     A few minutes later, the two were staring at each other outside of the house.

     Mara’s mother narrowed her eyes. “Ma banal las halamshir!”

     “I’m not sure what that means, my mother didn’t teach me much…” Xander frowned.

     “You do nothing for our people, Xander. Nothing. You took my daughter away, took away her potential to be a great mother to a Dalish child. Took her away from the man who loved her! You stole her away from her true family! You did all of this. If it weren’t for you—“

     “Then your daughter would be sad and lonely, she didn’t want to marry Varlan!” Xander interrupted.

     “She did until _you_ came along! Stupid filthy shem!” Ara chimed in as she closed the door behind her. “Oh by the way, don’t worry, Mara and the baby are sleeping now. Fight all you want!”

     “Nice, Ara. What do you want me to do?!” Xander pleaded. “I don’t want to fight.”

     “Well, damn, I sure want to!” Ara growled.

     “Yeah what would you do, you’re too short to do any _real_ damage…” Xander insulted Ara.

     “What the fuck did you just say, ass?” Ara rolled up her sleeves.

     “You heard me.”

     Ara’s face turned beet red and she could hold her anger in anymore. Before anyone could do anything, Ara swiftly threw a hard punch below Xander’s belt. Xander fell to his knees, swearing more than ever and clutching his privates, fighting hot tears.

     Mara’s mother stifled a grin, silently approving Ara’s actions. She ignored Xander writing in pain on the ground and proposed her plan to him. “I never thought I'd see my daughter again. So here's what I suggest you do: give her back to us. Once she is feeling better, we need her to go to the conclave to see what is going on between the mages and templars. She's the best person from our clan to send. You can keep the child.”

     “What makes you think she’ll agree to this? Who says I would agree?” Xander replied, slowly standing back up to tower over the two elvhen women.

     “She won’t. But you will leave. Because if you don’t, we’ll have to give her the option of staying with you or coming back to the clan, where she is loved and where she is needed—“

“Excuse me, just hold on a second, she is perfectly loved and needed with me, ma’am!” Xander was getting extremely angry at this point. He usually didn’t have a temper but Ara and Mara’s mother were pushing the last few buttons he had. “I don’t think you two understand how much I love and care for her! She is my whole life, you can’t just force her to leave behind her husband and child!”

“Wait. Who said you’re her husband?” Mara's mother held her hands up to stop Xander.

“Uh, the both of us? We exchanged vows after we found out she was pregnant, thank you very much.” Xander’s eyes were narrowed into slits, glaring harshly at the small elf woman.

Mara’s mother frowned in disappointment. “When she finds out you are gone, she will despise you for leaving with her child. We’ll give her the option to return and regain her honor by going to the conclave for us. She will go, and she will not need you anymore. She is a strong young woman.”

“We’ll take care of her.” Ara added. “Maybe one day she can have her child back, but you? She won’t need you, I’m sure of it, shem.”

     “Fine, fine! Just keep in mind that you’re the one who’s breaking her heart. Not me. When she cries in the middle of the night, missing her only child, and maybe missing her husband as well, remember that’s all on you!” Xander threatened in a low, bitter voice. He only agreed because he knew the conclave would be near Haven, so he would just move there with their child and wait for Mara to arrive. Once he found her, Xander would be able to explain everything to Mara. Surely she’d understand….

     Ara laughed bitterly. “Look, shem. If it weren’t for you we wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with! Mara has too big of a heart, I think she should’ve just let you die in the forest.”

“Gather your things, I want you gone by tomorrow evening.” Mara’s mother muttered. “Fen’Harel ma halam.”


	8. Chapter Seven

     It’s been over a month and the pain still felt unbearable. Mara softly sobbed into her pillow, not wanting anyone to hear her. How could her husband just leave her like that? She gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby and one day later, Xander left with their child. He didn’t leave a note or anything; she was partially worried but mostly angry with him. There was no excuse for what he did, and if he ever saw him again, she’d definitely give him a piece of her mind!

     Mara drifted off to sleep, letting the darkness take her away and lull her into security for at least a few hours of the night.

_“Mara, honey. Time to wake up.” A soft voice called to her._

_“No, I’m tired.” Mara mumbled into her pillow. “Just a little longer…”_

_“The baby needs, you, darling.”_

_“Xander?”_

_“Yes, love. Were you dreaming, again?” He laughed and laid a gentle hand on Mara’s back._

_“Where have you been? You were gone…” Mara was confused._

_“What are you talking about? I’m right here. I’ve been here all night long, sweetheart.” Now it was Xander’s turn to be confused._

_“You’re right, probably a dream.”_

_Xander kissed Mara and handed the baby to her once she was sitting up in their bed._

_“You know, I had this odd dream where you left me and took Maria with you, and I had to go back to the clan with my mother and Ara. It felt like a month of torture without you, vhenan. Please don’t ever leave me.” Mara sighed and rested her head on Xander’s shoulder._

_“Never.”_

_Mara smiled and looked down at her infant. Maria smiled up at Mara. She looked over to her husband, and he smiled back at her as well. Mara then looked back at their child to get ready to feed her. The baby was covered in a sticky red substance. Mara set the child down and thought maybe she had something on her hands._

_“Xander…”_

_She glanced back at her husband to see him bleeding from his eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. Mara let out a blood-curdling scream._

_“Ir abelas.” Xander choked out._

     “MARA!” Someone shouted.

     Mara bolted up and clutched the blanket to her chest. Her throat hurt and she realized she was still screaming, her face and body covered in a thin layer of sweat despite the cold morning air.

     “Mara, what’s wrong?” Varlan asked worriedly as he slowly made his way into her tent.

     Mara glared at him. “Nothing.”

     “I’m sorry, I was just walking by and you started screaming. I figured you were having another bad dream.” Varlan replied.

     “Another?”

     “I hear you scream almost every other night, Mara. I’m sure most of the clan does, but no one else really cares.” Varlan confessed, taking a sip of his tea and then offering some to Mara.

     “Thanks.” Mara took the cup of hot tea gratefully and sipped. “Sorry.”

     “Sorry for what?”

     “For being such a bitter, rude person, lately. I’m being so mean to everyone, and the only the person I have to blame for my pain is myself and my stupidity.” Mara wiped the tears from her eyes.

     Varlan gave Mara a sympathetic look. “We’re all stupid at one point or another. No one wants to admit it, but it happens to all of us. I shouldn't have pressured you into marrying me like I did. I'm sorry.”

     Mara grumbled and fell back onto her pillow.

     “We’ll have plenty of time to talk on our way to the conclave.” Varlan said after a few quiet moments.

     “What?” Mara’s eyes popped open.

     “I’m going with you. I don’t think you should go alone, Mara.”

     “I can take care of myself, Varlan.” Mara was upset. She didn’t need someone to slow her down. She didn’t need to talk to someone. She needed to be on her own for a while, but obviously that was not about to happen.

     “Mara, relax. You might need backup if things get out of control.” Varlan sighed, annoyed. “I’m the next best warrior out here after Ara, and they want her here to help protect the halla since they are disappearing.”

     “Whatever.” Mara mumbled and rolled over, facing her back towards Varlan.

     “You should start packing up, we leave for Haven pretty soon.” Varlan got up and left Mara alone in her tent.

~~~

     “Hungry?” Varlan asked Mara.

     “Yeah, why don’t we stop for food in town? I think we should save the food we packed for the short trip up to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.” Mara suggested. “I could really use a proper cup of hot tea, and maybe some hot food, too.”

     “Sure, the gate is right up there, we’ll be able to relax for a few hours before hiking up the mountain.” Varlan planned out loud.

     As Mara and Varlan approached the large gate, they identified themselves and were admitted into the small town. Mara felt a strong sense of nostalgia for the few months she spent in the other small town with Xander. This town looked almost identical and as much as she missed the forest while she lived in the small town, Mara now kind of missed having a proper house to live in...with her husband. Thinking of Xander made her angry and sad all at the same time.

     “Hey,” Varlan nudged Mara. “Cheer up. We’re doing something pretty badass.”

     Mara let herself laugh.

     “I’ve been waiting a long time to hear that again,” Varlan confessed. “You’ve been so sad, it was horrible watching you suffer and not being able to do anything about it.”

     “I should’ve handled it better.”

     “You loved him. It’s okay to hurt.”

     “Ara didn’t tell you?” Mara asked carefully.

     “Didn’t tell me what?” Varlan replied.

     “I didn’t just lose a man…he took our daughter with him. I left because I was pregnant, Varlan.” Mara was afraid that this would upset him.

     Varlan fell in silent shock. "I'm...wow, I'm sorry."

     Mara found a table and invited Varlan to sit down at it with her. They talked and talked about everything that happened in the past months of her absence.

     “Little Mikael? He finally learned how to walk, thanks to your younger sister. Oh, and you know how your brother got married? Well I’m not sure if he told you, but he and his wife are going to have a child!” Varlan chattered on and on.

     “Oh that’s lovely, Varlan.” Mara said absent-mindedly.

     “So, are we still…?” Varlan started to ask.

     “You’d still want to? After everything I’ve done?” Mara asked in shock.

     “I still love you, Mara. That hasn’t changed, and you learn to forgive and forget for the people you love.”

     Mara contemplated this. She was sure she’d never see Xander again, and marrying Varlan would still be the best choice for her. After all of the craziness that happened, Varlan still accepted her and that was enough for Mara.

     “I’ll absolutely marry you, as long as that’s really what you want…”

     “Of course, Mara.” Varlan smiled.

     As Mara drank the rest of her tea, she glanced off into the distance, looking at all of the different people bustling around town. Some people were selling, some people were buying, and most people were just gossiping about the upcoming conclave that would hopefully bring peace. Mara’s heart stopped when she heard a baby crying over by the entrance of the tavern. She turned her head to look, a small bubble of hope rising in her throat.

     There was a blonde haired man holding a baby with small, vaguely pointed ears.

     “Creators…” Mara whispered to herself.

     “Huh?”

     “I’ll be right back…why don’t you, uh, look for some warmer armor? It’s kind of chilly here.” Mara waved Varlan off as she rose from her chair and bolted towards this blonde man.

     “Um, ser?” Mara tapped the man on his shoulder, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

     The man started turning around. “Yes, damn it, yes. She’s my daughter and no you can’t hold her, alright?!”

     Deep blue eyes, familiar as could be, settled on Mara and widened with realization.

     “Xander.” Mara breathed.

     “Maker’s breath, you’re finally here!”


	9. Chapter Eight

     Mara didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, scream, or hit him. Why did he seem so relieved to see her? She was elated to see her child, and despite the fact that Xander was the one that screwed everything up, Mara felt kinda of relieved to see him standing in front of her.

     “I’m so happy to see you, love.” Xander smiled and keeping one arm safely holding Maria, he brought his other hand up to caress Mara’s face. He leaned in for a kiss and at that moment Mara violently swatted his hand away, letting her glare pierce deeply into his soul.

     “You left. You took my baby. Wait, let me clarify that, though. You, _my husband_ , took my baby _a day after I gave birth!_ What the fuck is that all about, huh?” Mara said bitterly.

     “Sweetheart, listen—“

     “No! _You_ listen. The past few weeks have been horrible. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, wondering where my husband was, and how my daughter was doing. I had terrible nightmares about you and Maria, damn it!” Mara felt hot tears welling up in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. “You’re nothing but a filthy, no-good shem who used me, I don’t even know why I trusted you. I shouldn’t have let you sweet-talk me like you did. You made me lose my family and friends, because of you—“

     “Mara please let me explain, it’s not what you think.” Xander pleaded.

     Mara crossed her arms and slightly nodded, allowing him to speak but keeping her sharp glare on his eyes.

     “First…do you want to hold your daughter?” Xander asked, hoping it would calm Mara down a little bit.

     Mara nodded again and opened her arms to welcome her beautiful baby girl.

     “Oh I love you, little one. I missed you.” Mara cooed.

     “You’re mother and Ara, they threatened me to leave. They wanted you to return to your clan, and if I left quietly they said you would be able to go on without me or our child.” Xander confessed with a sad face. “I believed them, I couldn’t let you live without your family.”

     Mara held her daughter closer. “Yes I missed my family and friends, but I couldn’t live without you. You should've told me about that. Left me a note or something.”

     “I wanted to but I don’t know…I just wanted the best for you.” Xander frowned. “They told me they planned on sending you to the conclave and I thought that maybe you’d pass through town and I could find you.”

     “That's stupid and you know it.” Mara said.

     "I know." Xander leaned back on the outer tavern wall and took in the view of his wife and daughter finally together again. Mara smiled at Maria, looking into her deep, innocent blue eyes.

     "Do you really have to go to the conclave?” Xander asked.

     “Yes, Xander. I do.” Mara sighed. “I mean, I don’t want to leave you two now that I have you back, but, I came here with Varlan and we have to see what happens.”

     “I’m going too.”

     Mara looked at Xander with a confused look.

     “I’m a mage, I survived my whole life without living in a circle, so I feel that my testimony could help the mage rebellion.” Xander declared.

     “What if things get dangerous? What if you get hurt, or worse?” Mara worried. "Also, I don't think that's a good idea. Varlan and I have this under control."

     “I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart. I don’t want you to go, but I’ll feel better that I’m going with you.” Xander said, then looked over Mara's shoulder. "I assume that's a friend of yours?"

     Mara turned around to see Varlan angrily walking towards the couple. _Well shit,_ Mara thought to herself.

     “Did you, uh, find some warmer armor?” Mara asked.

     Varlan just looked at Xander, then the baby, and then to Mara.

     “This is Xander and Maria. Xander, Maria, meet Varlan.” Mara held Maria up to Varlan; his eyes were wide and full of shock and confusion.

     Varlan then narrowed his gaze on the human. “Why are you here?”

     “Uh, I live here, now, idiot.” Xander muttered.

     “Xander please,” Mara rested a hand on his chest. “Varlan, Xander’s a mage, he’s going to the conclave and he wants to travel with us. I suppose it's a good idea, right? More protection.”

     “That’s funny, Mara, real funny.” Varlan bitterly laughed.

     “I’m serious. This could be helpful. He’ll be on the inside and we can get more information that way.” Mara suggested. “But wait, who’s going to stay with Maria? I don’t want her at the conclave.”

     “There’s a nice older woman who agreed to watch her. She’s my neighbor, her name is Mrs. Vellen and she lives alone. Maria will be safe there.” Xander smiled and Mara gave her daughter back to him.

     Mara suggested that she and Varlan go find warmer armor for the three of them while Xander dropped the baby off. They would meet at the gate later on and head up to the temple and camp outside so they could be ready for anything. Or so they thought…

~~~

     “Wow I’m exhausted,” Mara said as she poked the small fire in front of her.

     “Go get some rest, I promise we won’t kill each other.” Varlan joked.

     “I don’t know, you two. If I wake up and I see a dead body or two...” Mara warned.

     “We promise,” The two men said together, making Mara feel somewhat better.

     “Fine. Goodnight Varlan, goodnight Xander.” Mara briefly brushed her hand over Xander’s shoulder as she passed him on her way to the tent.

     Soon, Varlan and Xander both heard the gentle snoring of Mara and they knew she was fast asleep. Mara _always_ protested that she did _not_ snore when Xander told her she did. It always made Xander laugh.

     “And she says she doesn’t snore,” Xander said softly.

     “I know, right?” Varlan let himself laugh quietly in agreement.

     Xander and Varlan sat in a few more moments of awkward silence until Varlan built up the courage to ask the burning question.

     “So you really do love her, then?” Varlan bit his lip and stared at the fire.

     “Most certainly. I fell in love with that woman the moment I laid eyes on her.” Xander smiled.

     “Same here.”

     “Mara does care for you, I hope you know that. She would always worry for you and Ara, her mother, her brother. Not one day did she go without thinking about you all.” Xander stated.

     “She has too big of a heart, sometimes.” Varlan replied.

     “Yes, that is true.” Xander starting drawing swirls in the snow with his finger. “I felt horrible leaving with Maria. Mara didn't deserve that kind of pain. I’m sure she could’ve moved on if it were just me out of the picture, but to have her own child taken away from her a day after she gave birth? Impossible torture. I’m missing our daughter right now even though I know I’ll see her soon enough.”

     Mara started whimpering in her sleep, having another nightmare it seemed. Varlan’s knee-jerk reaction was to get up and wake her up, but realized she needed her husband, not him. Mara’s whimpers turned into sobbing, and Xander quickly glanced at Varlan.

     “She needs you. You’re the right man for her. I saw the way she looks around you.” Varlan confessed.

     More whimpering and sobbing.

     “Go to her, she needs you, not me.” Varlan finally said.

     Xander gave a friendly smile to the elf and tossed a blanket to him. “Get some rest, it’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.”

     Varlan retreated to his own tent while Xander entered Mara’s. By the time he got to Mara, her face was soaked with sleepy tears that kept running down her face. Xander gently laid down beside her and wrapped his strong, safe arms around his wife.

     “Shhh, Mara. I’m here, darling. It’s alright.” Xander whispered.

     “Xander don’t leave…” Mara mumbled, still asleep but no longer crying.

     “Never, love. Never again.” Xander murmured and kissed Mara’s cheek.


	10. Chapter Nine

     “So what’s the plan?” Varlan asked Mara.

     They were all packed up and ready to go. Xander was stomping out the fire while Varlan and Mara planned what they would do.

     “I think we should maybe pose as mages or something? That way we could go in with Xander and see and hear everything.” Mara suggested.

     “I don’t know about that, dear.” Xander called over his shoulder. “Two Dalish elves and a human randomly walking in together? Odd.”

     “We could hide out right outside of the temple, and if things get bad or something, we can sneak in, grab Xander, and leave. We’ll get your daughter and all of us can hurry back to the clan so we can be safe.” Varlan proposed.

     “That’s a good idea.” Xander replied.

     “What, you two are getting along now?” Mara laughed.

     Xander and Varlan looked at each other and Varlan replied, “He’s not as bad as I thought, Mara. You did well, I guess. I mean, he’s obviously not as handsome as me but, to each his own.” Varlan laughed and Xander smiled and shook his head.

     Mara smiled and hugged Varlan and whispered in his ear, “You’re the best, Varlan. Ar lath ma.”

     “As I, you.” Varlan replied.

     Mara did love Varlan, but not in the way he loved her. Mara realized that she would always have a special place in her heart for him, but she would always love Xander the most. No one could replace him.

     “Alright, enough with this sappy shit,” Xander laughed. “Let’s get a move on.”

     So the trio started the last hike to the temple. Varlan lugged most of his and Mara's belongings since he was taller than her. Xander had his own belongings to carry, but when he saw that the snow was up to Mara’s mid-calf, he snuck up behind her and scooped her up in his arms.

     “Excuse me? I can walk just fine, ser.” Mara giggled but instead of trying to get out of his arms, she wrapped her arms around Xander and moved so her legs were wrapped around his waist.

     “I’ll uh, go up ahead and get us a spot to sit at while the conclave goes on.” Varlan looked away, embarrassed and feeling awkward.

     Once Varlan was out of sight, Mara gave Xander a sly look.

     “What?” Xander grinned.

     “I missed you, ma vhenan.” Mara's voice was low and sultry.

     “Yes...I missed you too, my dear.” Xander replied, a little confused.

     Before he knew it, Mara’s lips were crushed against his and her hands gripped his body close to hers. Xander’s arms wrapped tightly around her body as he kissed her back with equal force. Mara slightly pushed Xander with her bodyweight so he would fall backwards into the snow.

     “Oof...Mara?” Xander laughed breathlessly. “Honey, we kind of have somewhere to be in a little while.”

     “I think we have enough time for this,” Mara smirked. “Don’t you?”

     Xander answered by rolling over so Mara was now under him. He let a dangerous smile creep onto his face, and Mara bit her lip. They were hidden by thick winter foliage, so they didn’t worry about anyone seeing them.

     Xander’s hands explored Mara’s body, slowly trailing down past her hips. Mara let her fingers entwine into Xander’s long blonde hair, taking in this precious moment with him. Having his hands all over felt amazing and reassuring to Mara, for the simple fact that she could tell this was real. Every other time for the past month, his ghostly hands caressed her body, but it always ended in disaster and disappointment.

     “I love you, so much.” Xander breathed against Mara’s neck, and then planted kisses on her neck, up to her jawline, and nibbled her ear.

     “I love you, too.” Mara whispered.

     Despite the cold winter snow beneath the two lovers, their bodies were full of heat and passion. The time spent away from each other felt like an eternity, and to have the sliver of time alone with one another was a blessing.

     “Getting a little excited, are we?” Mara giggled at Xander.

     “Maker’s breath,” Xander’s face turned red.

     “Don’t be embarrassed,” Mara grinned. “We’ve done this a few times before...or, don’t you remember?”

     “Oh, my love, I definitely remember.”

     “Then show me.” Mara challenged.

     “In…the snow? Right now?” Xander asked.

     “I think we’ll warm each other up just fine.”

     “Well, yes, I supposed you’re right.” Xander’s smile crinkled the corners of his eyes.

     Mara started to undo Xander’s armor and clothing, while he did the same to her. They laid their bedroll down and then their clothes. Mara’s body felt tense with nervousness and excitement.

     “You’re sure you want to do this right now, dear?” Xander asked, hands resting on each of her bare hips.

     “Absolutely.” Mara let her small hands wander from his face down to his chest, pushing Xander over so she was on top of him.

     Xander took in the view of her, naked and strong, staring down at him with daring eyes. Her face was red, and he wasn’t sure if it was from being cold or hot, but it made him smile. Goosebumps started to raise up all over her skin, and Xander felt some start to form on his skin as well.

     “You’re beautiful.” Xander awed.

     Mara met the compliment with her soft lips and kissed him, hard. Mara could help the bubble of laughter that escaped her lips. Xander gave her a questionable look, but continued letting his hands explore her body, exciting her more and more with each touch. He let one hand roam down below Mara’s waist, while the other gently pulled her face down to his. Mara grabbed his other hand and brought it up to her chest. Xander slowly turned so that she was below him, and Mara deviously grinned and gently nodded her head.

~~~

     “That was fun,” Xander said sleepily.

     “Oh, it definitely was.” Mara sighed.

     They were still laying in a mess of snow and clothing atop of the bedroll. Mara laid on top of Xander, the both of them covered in a blanket. She traced some faint scars on his chest, and then trailed her fingers up to a scar on his face. Mara lightly traced the face scar over and over again.

     “Emma lath, what are these scars from?” Mara asked quietly. “You told me you would tell me someday.”

     Xander’s body tensed. “We should get dressed, Varlan is probably wondering where we are.”

     “I’ll dress you, you dress me, and we talk about these scars.” Mara suggested. “Please?”

     Xander stood up quietly with Mara, helping her back into her clothing, his fingers lightly skimming her cool skin. Mara then helped Xander into his clothing, hesitating on the scars that covered his back; especially the one she traced so many months ago when they were in the pond.

     “After my father and mother both died, I needed the funds to help raise my sister, and the only way was to be a servant in this one man’s house in Lothering.” Xander finally said, his voice distant.

     Mara was satisfied that he finally decided to start opening up. While she was listening, Mara gathered up the last few things from the ground and put the pack of necessities on her back.

     “He would drink a lot, especially when the Blight started. He was an angry drunk.” Xander’s voice started to shake. “The asshole would take his anger out on me and beat me a few times a week. Some days were better than others, but other times he’d leave marks, that turned into these scars.”

     “Oh, ma vhenan, I’m so sorry…” Mara replied softly.

     “One day…” Xander’s voice broke and his body started to tremble. “One day, he got a little too angry. Broke a glass bottle over my head, knocked me out. A piece of the glass cut my face, right where that scar is.” He pointed to the scar Mara was tracing moments earlier.

     Mara held her arms open and Xander gladly welcomed himself into them. She wrapped her gentle arms around his torso, rested her head on his chest, and listened to his heartbeat. Xander draped his arms around her shoulders and rested his head on top of hers. As her warm embrace calmed him down, he continued his story.

     “When I finally came-to, he was even more pissed at me because I ‘fell asleep’ on the job.” Xander said. “He told me, ‘I’ll teach you a lesson, you stupid idiot’ and slashed the broken bottle across my back, leaving that huge scar there.”

     “Why did you put up with that, Xander?” Mara asked.

     “I needed to take care of my sister, love. She depended on me.” Xander hugged Mara tighter.

     “You are one amazing man.” Mara sighed. “You make me love you more and more.”

     Xander kissed the top of Mara’s head and reluctantly released her from his arms. Mara gave one last reassuring squeeze before she let go of him.

     “Yeah we really need to get to Varlan.” Mara laughed, envisioning Varlan sitting there awkwardly knowing darn well what the two were doing.

     “Let’s go, then. Shall we?” Xander took Mara’s hand in his and they made their way to Varlan.


	11. Chapter Ten

     “Took you two long enough,” Varlan grumbled. “The conclave’s about to start soon and you two were sucking face...”

     Xander and Mara shared knowing looks with each other as Varlan groaned.

     “…well, more than just that…” Varlan rolled his eyes.

     Mara bit her lip and Xander’s ears felt hot, but neither of them said anything.

     “Yeah, I heard you. Just so you know, loud sounds travel far and quite fast out here.” Varlan ranted. “ _Creators_ , that was just so weird, I could have lived my whole life without hearing you two going at it. Seriously.”

     Mara blushed and Xander laughed, draping an arm around Varlan’s shoulder.

     “Oh Varlan, you’ll understand someday!” Xander kept laughing, the creases of his eyes crinkling.

     “Okay, uh, we need to get on task.” Mara said softly. “Let’s go through the plan again. So first of all, if _anything_ goes wrong, we leave and meet at the tavern.”

     Varlan and Xander nodded in agreement.

     “Varlan will go in posing as a mage and tell Xander’s story if needed. Xander and I will hide outside by the entrance, listening in. Varlan, if anything gets suspicious or something goes wrong, just excuse yourself and I’ll have your weapon ready for you.” Mara spoke with confidence. “We can do this, you two. If we get split up and can’t stay at the tavern, we’ll go to the clan after the conclave.”

     “I’ll camp out near the clan, I don’t think I’d be welcome, dear.” Xander said.

     “True…” Mara mumbled.

     As the conclave was about to start, Varlan made his way into the temple with a group of other mages. The staff he held felt odd and not as comfortable as the long greatsword he usually carried. Mara felt the muscles in her stomach clench a bit, nervous that someone might figure out Varlan wasn’t a mage. Xander wished it were him going into the temple, but he made a promise to Mara that he wouldn’t leave her since leaving over a month ago made Mara too afraid to ever be away from him again.

     “Once Varlan gets the information we need, we can go! Simple as that.” Mara reassured herself as she and Xander hid in the entrance to the temple.

     A few moments later, Xander and Mara heard commotion in the next room. Mara looked over to Xander, questioning with her eyes if they should do something.

     “Probably just a small argument, nothing to get worried about.” Xander whispered.

     “Help!” A muffled voice cried.

     “Doesn’t sound like arguing, Xander.” Mara whispered back. “I’m going to go in there.”

     “No, you’re most definitely not.”

     “Xander. Look at me, I can quietly sneak in and try to help. Trust me, vhenan. I’ll be okay. This is what I'm good at” Mara assured her husband. “Do me a favor?”

     “What is it?”

     “Go back to our daughter. If things go awry, I don’t want her to grow up without any parents.” Mara pleaded.

     “Mara, my love. Don’t talk like that…”

     “Please, Xander?” Mara breathed.

     “I promised I would never leave you.” Xander argued.

     “It’s okay, I’ll go get Varlan and we will head back to the tavern. Everything will be okay. I just want to make sure Maria’s going to be alright.” Mara said. “Now stop arguing and go.”

     “Fine. I love you, dear.” Xander kissed his wife. “Please be careful.”

     Mara quickly embraced Xander. “Ar lath ma, ma vhenan.”

     Xander swiftly made his way out of the temple and down to the small town of Haven. Mara heard more commotion and quietly made her way through the temple to find the source of the yelling.

     “Somebody please help me!” The voice was still muffled but it sounded like a woman.

     Next Mara heard the shuffling of feet, someone yelling to let her go, and then a _thump_. She couldn’t take it anymore and knew she needed to do something, so Mara swallowed and got her bow ready.

     “Help! Somebody, please!”

     “What’s going on, here?” Mara asked as she opened the door. Then she froze when she saw the source of the earlier thump lying on the floor.

     “Varlan!” Mara screamed.


	12. Chapter Eleven

     "Wake up, _elf!_ ” A menacing voice spat.

     Mara’s eyes fluttered open, taking in the surroundings slowly. She was in a dimly lit room, smaller rooms enclosed in iron bars surrounded her and her hands were bound together tightly. There was a dark figure standing over her—no, two. And there were men with swords drawn, all pointing at her as if she were a wild animal that was expected to attack at any moment. There was an excruciating pain in her left hand, and as Mara brought her hand up to look at it, there was a green flash.

     “Tell me your name.” The same voice demanded. “Are you listening to me?!”

     “Why should I tell you my name? Why am I here? What happened?” Mara felt extremely confused and worried. What happened to Xander? To Varlan? She couldn’t remember anything.

     “Anyone who was in the Temple of Sacred Ashes is dead, accept for you. Why?” A softer voice asked Mara.

     “I…I don’t know. I can’t remember anything.” Mara confessed.

     “Oh really? What is this?!” The menacing person grabbed Mara’s hand violently as the green flash returned. “I should kill you for what you’ve done!”

     “Cassandra!” The soft-voiced woman pushed Cassandra back. “We need her, do not let your emotions get the best of you.”

     “Fine.”

     “I just need to know what has happened…” Mara demanded.

     “Get up,” Cassandra ordered. “It will be easier just to show you.”

~~~

 

     “So we need to somehow close that big hole in the sky?” Mara asked.

     “Yes, and that mark on your hand might be the answer.” Cassandra explained. “Will you help us?”

     Cassandra and Mara were standing on a bridge, a large gate just ahead of them. There were soldiers all around, waiting for orders, cowering in fear from things falling from the sky, or just standing there in shock from losing friends or loved ones.

     “I’ll help any way I can.” Mara vowed.

     “Good.” Cassandra then drew a blade from her belt and cut the bindings from Mara’s wrists. “We need to go help the others fight off demons, and then find a way to close the rifts.”

     “Rifts?” Mara asked, confused.

     Cassandra started walking quickly, motioning for the guards to open the gate. “Rifts. They allow demons to enter our world through them. You stepped out of a rift when our guards found you. You physically came out of the fade somehow.”

     “Wow. I don’t remember that.” Mara breathed. They were almost running now.

     Soon they arrived at a bridge that showed a great view of the breach in the sky. It was green just like the mark on her hand, and green flashes were falling out of it. Mara felt a chill crawl up her spine. She hoped Xander and Maria were all right. What about Varlan?

     “We are almost there—“

     As Cassandra spoke, something crashed down into the bridge, killing the nearby guards and making the two women tumble down with the bridge’s rubble. Mara fell onto a ruined cart filled with supplies and weapons, but luckily didn’t get hurt. Cassandra fell directly onto the thick ice that used to be a cool, flowing lake.

     As Cassandra and Mara got up, Cassandra saw the horrid figure forming just a few feet away from herself and Mara.

     “Stay behind me,” Cassandra pushed Mara back, drawing her sword.

     As Cassandra moved forward to attack the demon, Mara saw something bubbling up from the ice, slowly forming into something.

     “Cassandra…” Mara called out, but Cassandra was too occupied to notice.

     Mara looked over to see a simple bow and a few arrows nearby. Thanking the Creators she quickly grabbed the weapon and aimed at the now fully formed demon. She aimed and killed the wretched thing with two shots, and seeing Cassandra struggle, she aimed at the other demon, and it fell to its death.

     Cassandra looked behind her after making sure there were no more demons and swiftly stormed towards Mara. Fear and anger were in Cassandra’s eyes.

     “Disarm! Throw your weapon down, prisoner!” Cassandra warned.

     Mara hesitated.

     “ _Now_ , put your weapon down _now!_ ” Cassandra forcefully demanded.

     “Look, if I wanted to hurt you I would’ve done so right now. I want to help. You need to trust me, there are going to be plenty more demons attacking us and you can’t always protect me by yourself.” Mara tried reasoning with Cassandra.

     Cassandra looked down on Mara in disapproval, but then her expression softened as she replied, “Fine.”

     Mara let her body relax, lessening her grip on the longbow.

     “I need to remember that you agreed to come willingly. What’s your name, again?” Cassandra sighed.

     “Mara. I’m from the Lavellan Dalish clan.”

     “Well, Mara, I apologize for my rudeness. Shall we move on?” Cassandra sheathed her sword.

     Mara nodded and put away her bow, and got herself ready to run with Cassandra to where they were needed.

     “We need to go help the others. They’re at the entrance of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. We need to close a rift there and then try to close the larger rift inside.” Cassandra explained. “Do you believe you can do this?”

     “We’ll see…” Mara trailed off as they started running to the temple.

~~~

     “Quick! Use your mark to close the rift!” An elf mage who was fighting alongside Mara grabbed her marked hand and aimed it towards the rift.

     Mara’s mark destroyed the rift and prevented any more demons from coming through. She looked at her hand in shock.

     “So I _can_ help!” Mara smiled.

     “Yes, you can.” The man said matter-of-factly. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Solas, and I’m pleased to see you still live.”

     “O…kay.” Mara said. “Nice to meet you. My name is Mara.”

     “Don’t worry about him, he just means he’s happy to see that his attempts to keep you alive worked.”

     Mara turned around to see a dwarf grinning at her, laughing at Solas’ awkwardness.

     “The name’s Varric. Avid story-teller, poet, and the occasional unwelcome tag-a-long," Varric shot a glance at Cassandra, "at your service!"

     “Pleased to meet you, Varric.”

     “This is Leiliana, she is…was, sorry. She was the Left Hand of the Divine, while I was the Right Hand.” Cassandra explained.

     “Lady Cassandra I’m very impressed, you found a way to close the rifts!” A man’s voice called out from behind Cassandra, the footsteps getting closer and closer.

     Cassandra turned around. “Thank you but it’s actually the prisoner who can close the rifts.”

     Then Mara saw the man. Blonde hair, light colored eyes, some stubble on his face, and a noticeable scar above his lip. He reminded her of Xander, their hair color was almost identical, and it made Mara miss Xander and worry about him some more. This man in front of her towered over her, and his gaze bore into her very soul, or so it felt at least.

     “Well, stay safe out there. Let's hope you can get through this in one piece." The blonde man nodded at Mara then turned his gaze to Cassandra. "Cassandra, I’ll see you and the rest of the group back at Haven.”

     “Yes, Cullen.” Cassandra replied.

     After this man was out of earshot, Mara had to ask, “Alright, who was that?”

     “Ah, curly? Former Templar. His name’s Cullen Rutherford.” Varric said.

     “We can talk more later, We need to close the rift inside the temple.” Cassandra stated.


	13. Chapter Twelve

     “Alright!” Cassandra yelled over the dying roar of the large and dangerous pride demon. “We need to close the rift, now! Do it, Mara!”

     Mara raised her hand and used the power from her mark to close this very large rift. It took longer than the last rift, and it was draining almost every ounce of energy out of her.

     “Agh!” Mara grunted in pain as she fell to the ground, blacking out.

~~~

     “Why won’t she wake up?”

     “I don’t know…why are _you_ so worried?”

     “Just…make sure she gets to the chantry once she’s awake and well enough to walk. There is a lot to discuss and we can’t discuss anything without her.”

     “Yes, ser.” A gruff voice muttered sarcastically.

     Heavy footsteps, the shuffling of a chair, then the light slam of a door. Mara couldn’t will her body to move just yet, nor could she will her heavy eyelids to open and see who was in the room with her. She somewhat recognized the voice, but she couldn’t put a finger on it.

     A warm hand rested on Mara’s forehead, and all of the sudden she felt better. The remaining weakness slowly drained from her body and finally she was able to slowly let her eyelids flutter open. Her vision was blurry at first, but she could make out the soft light colored hair dangling down on a man’s face as he leaned over her, slowly taking his hand away and smiling.

     “Rise and shine, sleepy head.” The man chuckled and sounded relieved.

     Mara blinked a few more times.

     “Oh my darling.” The man kissed Mara’s forehead, crying soft and happy tears. “I really didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

     “Where am I? What is going on?” Mara sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. “Who are you?”

     “Mara…”

     “How do you know my name?!” Mara demanded, frightened that this shem knew so much about her, let alone felt free to touch her.

     “My love, it’s me. It’s Xander…”

     Mara tried to remember that name, and it sounded familiar, but she just couldn’t remember who this Xander was.

     Xander frowned.

     “I heard you and another man talking, saying I need to go somewhere. Point me in the direction.” Mara commanded.

     “Can you walk?” Xander asked hesitantly.

     “Are you kidding me?” Mara quickly threw her feet on the floor and hoisted herself up, wobbling. “I can definitely walk—“

     And as soon as she took a step, Mara came tumbling down onto the hard wooden floor, hitting her head and blacking out once more for a split second. She opened her eyes and the memories of the past came flooding through her mind. She remembered. Mara remembered her first love, her family, her clan, Varlan, her child…

     “Where’s Maria? Where’s Varlan?” Mara clutched Xander’s strong forearms that encircled her carefully, being hesitant in case she still didn’t remember him.

     “Maria is still with her caregiver. After finding out you were in fact alive, I couldn’t leave your side. I had a feeling you’d wake up today and didn’t want her nearby in case you went crazy or something.” Xander let out a small chuckle. "Which you kind of did."

     “And…Varlan?” Mara hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. She couldn’t remember anything about him, but Mara had a doomed feeling in her gut whenever she thought about him.

     “Love, I don’t think he made it. I don’t really know what happened but if he was in the temple with you, then, he is probably dead like everyone else.” Xander rested a large hand on Mara’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

     Mara held back the stinging tears. This was not the time to mourn or cry. She decided this was the time to act and that meant she needed to face everyone in the chantry.

     “By the way, we’re back in Haven and everyone is calling you the Herald of Andraste, although that wouldn’t make much sense to you, I’m sure.” Xander helped Mara up, keep his hands on her waist.

     “Creators, it hurts.” Mara held a hand to her throbbing head.

     Xander kept his left hand around Mara’s waist to keep her steady while his right hand raised up and rested on her forehead. “Allow me.”

     “What?” Mara started to ask when suddenly the pain in her head melted away, and her eyes widened.

     “I may have forgotten to mention I’m a healer.” Xander laughed.

     “Wait, so you’re telling me you can help ease pain, correct?” Mara narrowed her eyes.

     Xander slowly nodded, unsure of where this conversation was headed.

     “Which means, you could have maybe helped me out while giving birth to our baby?!” Mara glared and lightly punched Xander’s chest. “Sometimes I wonder why I love you.”

     Xander just laughed more and hugged Mara close, afraid to ever let her go again.

     “You love me for my rock hard abs and beautiful hair.” Xander stated matter-of-factly.

     “Oh you are so full of shit, Xander.” Mara rolled her eyes but confessed, “But you’re not entirely wrong."

     “Alright, alright, let’s get you to your little meeting, shall we?” Xander hooked an arm around Mara’s waist again and helped her through the crowds of people, making a path to the chantry.

     “Damn you were being serious…” Mara said in awe, looking at all of the people staring back at her in equal emotions.

     “Oh the Herald!”

     “She walked out of the _Fade!”_

“Andraste was with her.”

     “Maker’s breath, an elf, though?”

     "At least she's not a mage."

     Mara glared at the person who made the elf comment. “That wasn’t nice.” She muttered.

     Finally, the two reached the chantry. Mara looked up at the large and beautiful building. It definitely wasn’t as big as the Temple of Sacred Ashes, but it had its own little charm. The doors were large and wooden, and colored lightly green. Guards stood on either side of the entrance, and when Mara approached the doors with Xander, the guards bowed their heads in respect.

     “Shall I wait for you?” Xander asked politely.

     “No, I still need some support when I walk. And I’ll need some support in there.” Mara hooked her arm around Xander’s waist so they were both interlocked with each other.

     The lovers made their way into the chantry. They passed a few devoted men and women who took a fast pause to stare at the small elvhen “Herald of Andraste” being helped into the chantry by a large, strong, and intimidating apostate mage. Xander and Mara approached a door in the back of the chantry, and right before they opened this door, they both heard muffled arguing. Mara looked up at her husband, saying _let’s get this over with_.

     “And there’s the prisoner now. Shackle her and get her ready to be transported to Val Royeaux to be executed!” An angry old man pointed a long, slender finger at Mara.

     Cassandra gave Mara a short nod, welcoming her into the room. Then, the tough-looking woman dismissed the guards so it was just herself and the angry cleric, Mara, Xander, and Leiliana in the room.

     “And what is the apostate doing here? Shackle him too!” The man grumbled.

     “I was at the conclave. I wanted to help but left before anything happened. I needed to take care of my child, ser.” Xander explained, leaving out the unnecessary details.

     “Look, do you think I would’ve helped if I had done something?” Mara challenged the annoying old man.

     “Why of course, what else am I supposed to believe, you knife-ear!?”

     Xander started to interject after the inappropriate comment, but Mara beat him to it.

     “DON’T call me that, you damned shem.” Mara was fuming, and it took all of her self-control not to lunge at the rude old man.

     “Enough!” Cassandra ordered. “Leiliana would you please hand me that book?”

     As Cassandra explained to the man that Mara was not a suspect any longer, nor was she to be harmed by any of the guards, Leiliana quickly handed Cassandra a thick leather-bound book with an odd but interesting symbol on the cover.

     “Do you know what this is?”

     “Yes, yes.” The man muttered.

     “Good then you know what I am about to do, then.” Cassandra sighed and gave a short _fuck you_ look at him. “We need to restore peace and order, and if the chantry cannot do so, then I hereby declare the formation of a new Inquisition.”


	14. Chapter Thirteen

     “Mara, you’ve met Leiliana. She will be our, well, spymaster, for the Inquisition. Next is Lady Josephine Montilyet of Antiva. She is in charge of our diplomacy and finances.” Cassandra motioned toward a darker-skinned young woman with dark hair and beautiful clothing Mara had never really seen before, other than the few times she lived in the town with Xander or traveling with her clan.

     “Pleased to meet you, your worship.” Josephine smiled politely.

     “Lastly is Commander Cullen, who is in charge of our soliders.” Cassandra explained.

     “Yes, pleased to see you’re well again. I believe we met back at the temple, correct?” Cullen half smiled at Mara.

     “Yes, uh, thank you. Impressive titles, all of you.” Mara stuttered a bit.

     “May I ask, who is this man?” Cassandra asked curiously.

     “Oh, I'm Xander, Mara’s husband.” Xander stealthily glanced at Cullen to see his reaction. "I stayed with her after she passed out so I haven't been able to introduce myself until now. I apologize."

     Cullen’s eyes widened just a bit, and Mara saw the muscle in his jaw flex. He looked around the room with an unreadable expression and then excused himself. Well, that was quite odd.

     “Hu…husband? I do not know how the public will look upon this, milady. First of all, everyone is calling you the ‘Herald of Andraste’ and if we are to become popular with nobles and whoever else can help the Inquisition, it would be better if you made sure no one knew about your current relationship status.” Josephine slightly frowned.

     “Why?” Mara asked, annoyed.

     “Well, you see…” Josephine started to say.

     “You’re an elf, he’s a human.” Leiliana stated bluntly. “It just isn’t looked upon desirably. Just keep the relationship in private, okay?”

     “Then what about our child?” Xander muttered. “Am I supposed to just raise her on my own and leave Mara to live by herself?”

     “We will figure something out. For now you may stay in the room here in the chantry. No one will really realize you two are living together. If anything I can just convince people he’s still watching over you, making sure you’re fully healed.” Josephine added softly.

     “Well, my beautiful lady, are we ready to go get our daughter?” Xander held out his arm so Mara could link hers through his.

     “Absolutely.” Mara gently declined his outstretched arm. “But I’ll have to stay here, remember? Don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.”

     Xander huffed but silently agreed, while Mara rolled her eyes at the stupid rules.

     “I’ll be in the room.” Mara started to head for the door as Xander quickly walked out, and as she was about to open the door to her bedroom, out of nowhere Cullen caught her arm.

     “May I have a word?” Cullen asked quietly.

     “Uh, sure?” Mara replied.

     “Well, uh. So, you have a husband?” Cullen stuttered a bit, sounding nervous.

     “Yes, Commander.”

     “And he is a mage.”

     “Yes, Xander’s a mage.”

     “Well…just be careful, with the whole war and conclave and hole in the sky…just…be mindful of your surroundings, will you? Without you we have no way to restore order a-and, well, I would hate to see anything happen to you. You seem…” Cullen couldn’t stop stuttering, and frankly it was oddly endearing to Mara. “Okay, I will talk to you at another time, I’m sure your husband will return soon. If you need anything I’ll be right outside of the gate, training recruits.”

     Mara held back a giggle as she watched their commander quickly make his way out of the meeting room, a hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck. She thought she even heard him muttering to himself.

     Quickly, Mara found her way to the room that was to be hers and Xander’s. Apparently they couldn’t keep the baby there in case someone got too suspicious. So Xander suggested he stay in his own small hut with the child every so often so their daughter wasn’t always with her caregiver. Mara wished she didn’t have to keep her family life a secret, but it was understandable that they make as little controversy as possible since she was already controversial without having a human husband and a baby with said human while she was an elf.

     “Mara! Mara!” Xander was breathless and tears were streaming down his face.

     “Emm’asha?” Mara asked cautiously. “Where is she, Xander?”

     Xander let out a painful sob.

     Mara guided Xander to their bed, sat him down and stood in front of him, putting her hands on either side of his soaked face.

     “Emma lath, please tell me what is going on!” Mara demanded. She preferred to use some of the elvhen words she knew when Xander was upset or hurt; it seemed to sooth him.

     “I’m so sorry, I should have just kept her with me…” Xander’s blue eyes looked up at Mara, then down to the ground.

     Mara kept her holding Xander’s face, but worry crept into her stomach slowly, twisting and turning into an evil, hungry monster ready to make her double over in pain.

     “The-the caregiver. She’s gone.” Xander choked, trying to hold back his sobs long enough to explain. “Mrs. Vellan took our baby!”

     “What? Why would that old shem take her?” Mara fell to her knees in front of Xander.

     “I’m sorry, so sorry my love.” Xander pulled Mara close to him, and she rested her head on his lap.

     “What do we do? When did she leave?” Mara whispered.

     “A note supposedly from her said she left soon after I left to be with you to watch over you.”

     “But why?”

     Xander took out the crumpled up piece of paper and gave it to Mara. As Xander wiped the last few tears from his face, his wife read the note. It said that the women, Mrs. Vellan, would be leaving with the child because Xander and Mara couldn’t be good enough parents for Maria, and that maybe one day they’d see her again but only if Mrs. Vellan thought it was necessary. She explained that mages couldn't be trusted and Haven wasn't safe enough for a baby. Mara’s face turned bright red with anger as she held back her own hot tears.

     “So she just stole our baby from us.” Mara stood up and paced around the room as she crumpled the note back up in her shaking fist. “First, I lose my family to be with you. Then, I lose you _and_ my baby to be with my family, then I lose one of my closest friends, and _now_ I lose my baby again to some madwoman who you thought we could trust with our child! _How_ could you be so stupid, Xander?!”

     Mara’s words hurt Xander, cut him deeply, but he let her vent out her feelings. He really did feel like it was all his fault, and Xander couldn’t believe how many times he let Mara down. Taking her away from her clan, leaving her all alone, and now losing their child to some crazy old lady.

     “I’m sorry,” Mara sighed, sitting beside Xander on the bed. “I need to relax.”

     “I’m sorry, too, emma lath.” Xander stretched an arm around his trembling wife.

     Even though Mara appreciated the gesture, she realized she needed some space and gently stood up and out of Xander’s hold. A subtle look of hurt washed over his face, and Mara apologetically sighed as she walked out into the main part of the chantry, closing the door behind her.

     Mara decided to make her way out to the area right outside of the town where Cullen said he would be. The air was crisp and cold, but it was refreshing and cleansing. As Mara walked through multiple crowds of people, they always stopped to stare or whisper nonsense about her.

     “Wandering about, I see?” A smooth voice said from behind Mara, making her whip around to see who it could be.

     “Oh, hello, Commander Cullen.” Mara caught her breath, being surprised by the irony.

     “Hello, Lady Mara.” Cullen replied, the corners of his lips just barely pulling up into a subtle smile. “What brings you out on this fine evening?”

     Mara didn’t realize it was already evening until he said so. What was she doing out at this time? Why didn’t she just go to the tavern or something?

     “Oh, just, needed to go for a walk.” Mara said vaguely, hoping he couldn’t read into her emotions.

     “It’s ah, quite cold out. Where is your coat?” Cullen asked.

     “Oh, I don’t have one yet. The one I had before, well, the thing…it was destroyed, obviously.” Mara wondered why this man could even care. “Aren’t you cold?”

     “Oh no, I’m fine. This armor is quite warm, to be honest.” Cullen glanced down at his fur garment, then back to Mara who was starting to shiver. “You’re not fine, though. Here. It’s not much but it sure is better than what you have on.”

     Mara’s eyes widened as she saw the commander take off his fur garment and hand it to her, his face just a tad bit flushed. “No I can’t take it, then you may get cold.”

     “Mara, I mean, Lady Mara. Don't be ridiculous. I’m used to the Ferelden cold, ‘tis not a big deal.” Cullen laughed. “Please, take it. Your lips are turning blue.”

     “Are you sure that’s just not my vallaslin?” Mara giggled at her own bad joke and felt her face become hot. “Oh, sorry. That was a stupid joke.”

     Cullen chuckled softly and stepped closer so that he could wrap his vestment around Mara’s shoulders.

     “Thank you, Commander. I appreciate it.”

     “Y-you’re welcome. And, uh, just ah, just call me Cullen. No need for those fancy formal titles.” Cullen rested his hand on the back of his neck, looking nervous and awkward.

     “Alright, Cullen.”

     The sound of her voice saying his name made Cullen smile, and he like the way it sounded.

     "Is there something wrong?” Cullen’s brow furrowed with concern.

     “Yes, but nothing you need to worry about.” Mara looked away, trying to make it sound like nothing major.

     “Maybe I could help, or at least point you in the right direction.” Cullen pressed. “Please?”

     Mara felt the sting of tears in her eyes again. They weren’t released earlier so now of course her body wanted to fall down in sobs thinking about her small child somewhere out there, probably sleeping. She hoped Maria was safe and warm, at the least, though.

     “Goodness, Mara, what’s the matter?” Cullen softly grasped her shoulders so she’d look up at his face instead of the white, powdery ground.

     As this was happening, Josephine was walking by, probably to deliver a report to Cullen.

     “Oh, Commander Cullen I have something for…you. What is going on?” Josephine quickly walked over to the two.

     By this moment, Mara couldn’t hold in her emotions anymore. Despite the warm fur apparel draped over her shoulders, she trembled from the cold or from her anger and the sobs that were trying to wrack her body.

     “Let’s get back to the chantry and discuss this in private. There are wandering eyes and ears out here, your worship.” Josephine put a reassuring arm around Mara and led her back to the chantry.

     Mara glanced back once to see Cullen standing alone, the small gathering of people behind him finally scattering. He looked up at Mara, sadly wishing there was something he could do. Cullen didn’t like seeing anyone in pain, because he knew the feeling all too well.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

     “Well I can assure you we will do everything in our power to find your daughter.” Josephine promised Mara.

     "I can have some of my spies look for this woman, she can’t be too far away.” Leliana added.

     “Thank you, both, really.” Mara hiccuped from her uncontrollable crying a few moments earlier. “I can’t believe people would actually do this stuff for me, though.”

     “There’s something about you, and well, we care about you. After we persecuted you and accused you of horrible things, you still agreed to help. That is very commendable. Now go to your room, you need to get some rest.” Cassandra stated from the corner of the room.

     “Yes you do. We have a long day of activities planned for you tomorrow. Cullen will be working with your combat skills, Cassandra as well. Leliana wants to work on your stealth skills, and I would like to work with your etiquette if it is alright with you.” Josephine smiled and wrote a few things down on her notes that sat in front of her.

     Mara nodded her head and made her way back to her room. When she arrived and closed the door behind her, Xander was already fast asleep in the bed. Mara took a moment to admire the portrait in front of her.

     Xander was laying down, the front of his body directly against the soft bed. His face was resting on the pillow so that it faced Mara when she walked in the door. Soft snores escaped his mouth and his golden blonde hair was splayed out on his neck, face, and pillow. Xander’s back was bare and his scars were bright and white in the illumination of their bedroom, and Mara thought about what he told her. He was covered waist down with the blanket, and she assumed that was all he had on. Of course, who needs pants while sleeping, right?

     Mara crouched down right by his face and whispered, “Ar lath ma.”

     “I luh…I love…oh! Noodles, love pie. Hungry.” Xander mumbled in his sleep, obviously dreaming of food. “You...have…? Can…I…have pie…?”

     “Xander wake up,” Mara poked his nose.

     “Mmm?” Xander’s eyes slowly fluttered open. “Mwhat? Something wrong, sweetheart?”

     “No, I just wanted to see those dashing blue eyes of yours.” Mara flirted, trying to make her husband smile.

     “You flatter me, my love.” Xander smiled, his eyes closing again.

     Mara sank to her knees and rested her head upon her folded arms atop of the bed. She lightly blew on Xander’s face.

     “Your breath stinks,” Xander chuckled.

     “Oh hush.” Mara smiled. “So I have a question, emma lath.”

     “Go on…” Xander’s eyes continued to stay closed but he stayed alert.

     “You’re a healer. When I found you in the forest, you could have just healed yourself and moved on, right?” Mara asked. “Why did you stay? Why did you let some random elf help you?”

     “I fell for you the moment I laid eyes upon that beautiful face and heard the most amazing voice.” Xander sleepily grinned.

     “Cute.”

     Mara kissed Xander and made her way over to the other side of the bed. As soon as she laid her head upon the soft pillow, she realized just how exhausted she was and quickly fell into the blissful dark abyss, waiting for the morning to arrive.

~~~

_A baby’s cry rang through the dark night._

_"Vhenan, baby needs you.” Mara mumbled._

_“Before sunrise, she’s your daughter. She needs her mother.” Xander chuckled._

_“Please, Xander. I’m so tired.” Mara whined._

_“Alright, love, go ahead and sleep. I have her this time.” Xander slowly got out of bed to take care of Maria._

     “Lady Mara.”

     “No.” Mara mumbled, still mostly asleep. “…she’s yours right now.”

     “What? Mara, it’s time to wake up.”

     “I just…ugh,” Mara grumbled, annoyed with whomever decided it was a good idea to wake her up this early. “Xander…?”

     “No. I’ll wait outside the door so you can get changed.” Mara realized now that it was Cullen, and she was utterly confused when she didn’t see Xander anywhere.

     Wait. Why was Cullen in her room instead of Xander? Why didn’t Xander wake her up?

     Mara ignored her rambling mind lifted herself up out of bed and picked out some breathable leather armor. As she started to undress, she realized she still had Cullen’s cozy and warm garment on, and unwillingly took it off. Slowly, each layer of clothing peeled off, and Mara splashed some water on her face from the nearby basin to help wake herself up.

     “Mara, I think we should—“

     “Fuck!” Mara quickly turned around, clutching Cullen’s fur to her body, attempting to cover everything up. Shock and fear covered her face when she saw who it was.

     “Oh, Maker’s breath.” It was Cullen.

     Mara wrapped the garment around her more.

     “Damn it, I’m sorry ah, so sorry, milady. Shit.” Cullen started to back away and shielded his eyes.

     “It’s alright, Cullen. I’ll be out soon.” Mara blushed, and she felt hot from head to toe.

~~~

     “Okay, now block your body and move the shield up to your face when you see your opponent start to…no, no! Not like that!”

     Cullen was instructing Mara on using a sword and shield. He told her if she had to go out and help with the Inquisition, she would need to know how to fight with just about every weapon possible.

     Just then, Mara heard the cry of a baby. For just a second she thought it was Maria. After scanning the area around her, she found the source of the cries, and it most definitely wasn’t Maria. Mara’s heart dropped in disappointment.

     “Look,” Cullen massaged his temples in mild frustration. “The way you’re blocking, if you do it that way you’ll be dead in a second!”

     “Well if this were real combat I would have my bow and _you_ would be dead in a second!” Mara glared.

     “Just…keep your current stance.” Cullen commanded and made his around Mara so that he was right behind her, chest against back, steel against leather.

     By then Mara had returned Cullen’s fur-lined piece of apparel. She desperately wished she still had it when a shiver rolled through her body.

     Cullen wrapped his arms around so that he held the sword and shield with Mara. “Block up here. Keep your sword here. Got it?”

     “Yes.” Mara said, then added quietly as Cullen returned to his original spot, “Commander Sassy Pants.”

     “Excuse me?” Cullen raised his eyebrows, an amused smile creeping onto his face.

     “You…you heard me!” Mara struggled to say with confidence.

     Cullen rolled his eyes and chuckled.

     “Time for archery! Right?” Mara headed for her bow and the quiver of arrows.

     “No, ma’am.” Cullen said slyly.

     “What?”

     “Two-handed.”

     “Ugh, are you kidding me?” Mara frowned.

     “Oh, my dear lady would I kid with you?” Cullen joked. “But seriously, no I’m not joking. You need to learn things you do not normally do, then practice what you know.”

     “You’re so going to owe me, commander.” Mara muttered.

     “You’ll thank me, later.” Cullen said.

~~~

     “Do you think you understand all of this?” Josephine asked.

     “I think so.” Mara replied with a quiet yawn.

     Josephine took a moment to write something down, giving Mara a short break. Mara started to let her mind wander, and her thoughts took her to the baby’s cry she heard earlier with Cullen, as well as the dream she had. Her daughter, her small, dependent, beautiful daughter. Where did the woman take her poor little child? Why did she take Maria because Xander was a mage? Was it because Mara was an elf, and therefore their child had elf blood and the subtle point to her ears? Mara’s throat felt tight with emotion once again, and she tried her best to hide her sadness.

     “I’m sure you’ve had a long day, your worship. How about we finish up tomorrow?” Josephine suggested, catching onto Mara’s mood.

     Mara nodded, grateful to be done for the day.

     A few moments later, Mara sleepily arrived to her room. Her muscles ached, her head hurt, and she just wanted to sit and be able to slouch without Josephine correcting her every time. Mara was glad to see Xander waiting for her, he was sitting at the desk with his back towards her.

     Mara made her way over to Xander and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, making him lightly jump in surprise. She started to nibble his earlobe, trying to be playful. She needed something to take her mind off of everything happening with the Inquisition, her daughter, and the mystery of what happened to Varlan. The stress of everything seemed to crush down on Mara and it felt that anything more could just take her to her breaking point.

     “Not right now.” Xander said.

     Mara stopped but kept her arms around him.

     “Where were you all day?” Xander asked, slowly unwrapping himself from Mara’s grasp and standing up from his chair.

     “Training. Where were you this morning? I woke up and you were gone.” Mara frowned at Xander’s moody attitude. She understood that things were bad, but they needed to support each other, take care of one another.

     “Just out.”

     “Out?”

     “Yes.”

     Mara felt on edge, possibly due to the thick tension she felt radiating from Xander.

     “Is everything okay, vhenan?” Mara asked softly.

     “No.” Xander snapped.

     “Then talk to me.” Mara demanded. “Please.”

     Xander narrowed his eyes.

     “Come on, Xander. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” Mara was starting to become frustrated. “We need to communicate.”

     “That Cullen. He’s a nice guy, huh?” Xander finally said.

     “Yes, I suppose so.” Mara replied, confused. She quickly remembered her awkward encounter with Cullen that morning. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

     “Why were you wearing a piece of his clothing last night? You didn’t come back until a lot later.” Xander’s voice sounded a bit accusatory.

     “I went for a walk, it was cold, I forgot my coat. He just wanted to be nice.” Mara explained. Her tone became sharp. “I still do _not_ understand what your problem is.”

     “I just don’t like you spending so much time with him, nor do I like the way he looks at you.”

     “Don’t be ridiculous, Xander! _Creators_ , he is just trying to be a decent person, okay?” Mara said sharply. “I love you, and only you. Always have, always will, vhenan. You really can't be that insecure.”

     “Not to mention, our baby was just taken from us and you seem to have forgotten or something.” Xander accused and got in Mara’s face. “I searched the perimeter of this town, looking for possible signs of where this woman could have went, and you aren’t doing a thing. You’re training and getting close to that stupid man.”

     “Wow, uh, hold on there. _I’m_ not doing anything? I have a few of Leliana’s spies hunting this woman down, thank you very much.” Mara was angry at this point. How could Xander be so rude? “And I’ll have you know, I’m quite aware that my baby is gone, _again_ , and I’m sorry but I can’t mope around like I did last time. Yes I am sad and devastated, yes I miss her and yes I care about her. I need to keep busy and do what is being asked of me, though. Crying all day will not help you, me, or Maria, damn it! I will not let you or anything else get in my way. I need to change, I need to be better than the woman I was a few months ago. For Maria, for you. For me and for Varlan wherever he might be.”

     Xander grunted and put his coat on.

     “Where are you going?” Mara challenged.

     “My home.”

     “I thought your home was with me.”

     “I don’t know, anymore.” Xander muttered.

     Mara looked down at her hands and played with her beautiful but scratched up wedding ring. The scratches were from the past few days of fighting and hunting. She twisted it around and around, thinking about what it meant. She wondered if everything going on would create the breaking point for the two lovers. _Will this break us apart for good, this time?_ Mara asked herself. After a few moments of silence and contempt, she built up the courage to ask the question plaguing her mind.

     “Do you still love me?” Mara asked.

     “What?” Xander replied angrily. “What kind of question is that? I’m still here, aren’t I?”

     “That isn’t a good enough answer.” Mara sat down on the bed, feeling drained and upset. “You either love me or you don’t.”

     Xander sighed. “It’s not that simple, dear.”

     “Why did I choose you?” Mara whispered.

     “I don’t know, Mara.” Xander sighed in frustration, though his tone was softer than before. “You were young when we met. You still are, actually. Young and naïve, dreaming this fantasy of love and a family, thinking everything is always perfect and happy.”

     “Being young doesn’t always mean you can’t know what you want.” Mara protested.

     “You’re right.” Xander replied. After a long pause, he added, “I’ll always care for you, I hope you know that.”

     Mara nodded, not trusting her voice just yet as tears welled up in her eyes, and her throat closing up, her body wanting to release all of her emotions.

     “Maybe Ara was right. I was stupid. We don’t belong with you shemlen.” Mara let out a soft cry, tears finally streaming down her face. “I should have just married Varlan.”

     “I think we need to take a break tonight. You stay here, I’ll sleep in my own place for now. We can talk more tomorrow.” Xander said. He walked over to the desk, his back facing Mara once again, putting something on top of the stack of papers. Then he turned around, walked over to Mara and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, and left.

     Mara wiped the tears from her face and got herself ready for bed. When she glanced over to the desk where Xander set something down, before she put out the lit candle in her room, she saw a sparkle. Looking closer, she realized what it was; a wedding ring.

     That night Mara cried almost as hard as when she lost Xander and Maria the first time.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

     Mara woke up with a pounding headache and puffy eyes. All night she tossed and turned, her mind racing with thoughts of Maria, Varlan, Xander, and even Ara. She desperately wished to have Ara there with her to help her through this difficult time.

     _Knock, knock._

     “Lady Mara?”

     Mara cleared her throat. “Yes? Who is it?”

     “Ah, it’s Cullen. We have an issue out here, would you please come on out when you get the chance?” Cullen’s muffled voice traveled through the wooden door.

     “Yes, just give me a moment.” Mara replied, already throwing on the first pieces of clothing she could find as well as splashing water on her face.

     Just moments later, Mara quickly made her way out of the room to be greeted by Cullen and Cassandra right outside of her doorway.

     “What is going on?” Mara asked.

     “We have a visitor.” Cullen began. “Well two, actually. They both claim to know you.”

     “The one is a woman and has a child with her.” Cassandra finished.

     “…what?” Mara stood there, dumbfounded.

     “They are of a Dalish clan, but wouldn’t specify.” Cullen explained.

     “Let us go in the meeting room to discuss this further, they are waiting in there with Leiliana and Josephine.” Cassandra said.

     The three walked into the room, and as soon as Cassandra and Cullen moved out of the way, Mara felt utter shock followed by complete happiness and excitement. Across the room, standing together and smiling as soon as they caught a glimpse of Mara, stood two very familiar people.

     “You’re alive, thank the Creators!” Ara laughed. “I hate you so much. You had me worried sick, damn you!”

     Ara practically ran over to Mara and crashed into her, surprisingly not crushing the baby, though.

     “You…you found her, Ara!” Mara felt tears of joy escaping her eyes.

     “Some dumb shemlen lady had her and she was dumping this little elf baby on our clan, and as soon as I looked into those eyes and saw her little mark on her wrist, I knew it was Maria.” Ara smiled and handed Maria over to Mara.

     “Thank you,” Mara hugged Maria close to her bosom, never wanting to let her go ever again.

     “Who is this ‘Maria’?” Cullen asked, utterly confused because only Cassandra, Leiliana, and Josephine knew about the baby.

     “She’s Mara’s—“

     “Niece. She’s my niece.” Mara interrupted Ara, who gave Mara a sharp and confused look.

     “Mara, I’m glad to see you’re okay.” Mara’s other visitor finally spoke.

     “Cam!” Mara smiled. “How is mother?”

     “She’s well. She misses you.” Cam said. “Also, you will never guess…”

     “What?!” Mara asked excitedly.

     “Well, she finally remarried and, uh, we’re going to get another sibling.”

     “Wow, really?” Mara felt shocked.

     “That’s not all the news he has for you, Mara.” Ara grinned.

     The three elves decided to go on a walk through town to be able to discuss things on their own without Mara’s advisors listening in. Cam broke the news to Mara that he was finally married as of the day Mara left to go to the conclave with Varlan. She was upset that should couldn't attend the wedding, but Mara was still happy for her brother.

     “So I’ll be getting some more little ones to help take care of?” Ara gleamed with joy.

     “Absolutely,” Cam smiled.

     “So, uh, where’s handsome Varlan right now?” Ara asked Mara.

     Mara hesitated, either because she didn’t want to say or that she honestly didn’t know.

     “Mara?”

     “I…don’t know.” Mara looked away.

     “How can you not know?” Ara’s face was stone.

     “Well…they all tell me they think he may have died, when the temple exploded. According to the people who found me, I stepped out of the Fade after the explosion. They saw my physical body come out of this thing called a rift. I was more or less unscathed and a woman was in the rift behind me.” Mara explained. “I don’t know what happened, I can’t remember anything. If it weren’t for Xander, I probably would have died.”

     “Wait. So, Varlan died and Xander didn’t? What the fuck.” Ara grumbled in frustration.

     “Ara!” Mara scolded. “Please, he’s Maria’s father for goodness sakes.”

     “Sorry, Maria.” Ara cooed and tickled the baby’s cheek. “Your father is a stupid goofy shem and I don’t like him. But I definitely like you. Look how cute you arrrre…”

     Mara rolled her eyes.

     “So, uh, it was a long trip and we’re quite hungry.” Cam said. “Where can we eat?”

     “Oh, go to that tavern over there. They have good food and if you tell them you are related to me, it will be completely free.” Mara suggested.

     “Ooh.” Ara devilishly grinned. “We found you and the baby. This deserves-!”

     “A celebration,” Mara and Cam said in unison, laughing.

     "Maybe I’ll stop by and celebrate with you in a little while. In the meantime, enjoy yourselves. And Ara? Eat some food before you celebrate.” Mara smiled and laughed.

      After the two elves disappeared into the tavern, Mara made her way to Xander’s small house. The windows gave off illumination and she could see his shadow. Maria gave a little coo and yawned.

     “Are you sleepy, my little one?” Mara asked.

     Maria smiled at the sound of her mother’s voice, reaching out a tiny hand and trying to grab Mara’s nose.

     Mara knocked on Xander’s door.

     _Knock, knock._

     “What d’you want?”

     “It’s Mara.”

     “Yeah?”

     “Please let me in.” Mara said softly.

     “Why? So we can fight again?” Xander sounded extremely sad. And possibly drunk.

     Mara remembered that she kept his ring in her pocket, wanting to give it back to him. She took it out and slid the small ring under his door.

     “You forgot this last night. But I have something else for you too, if you would just stop being so stubborn and open the damn door.” Mara said sharply.

     Xander sighed, unlocked the door, and quickly opened it, getting ready to yell at her to leave him alone when his eyes suddenly rested on the small pale face asleep in Mara’s arms. His eyes were red and puffy, his face flushed. Mara knew he’d been drinking.

     “Wh…what? Is that really?” Xander was at a loss for words. “Come in, love, come in.”

     “Before I come in…have you been drinking?” Mara asked quietly.

     “It helped keep the pain away, at least for a little while. Can’t feel anything when you’re drunk.”

     Mara sighed, shook her head, and entered the warm, softly lit home and sat on the bed. She motioned for Xander to sit beside her, and once he did she gently gave Maria to him.

     “Okay first of all, please don't get drunk anymore. Secondly, my brother and Ara showed up today,” Mara softly began. “Ara found Maria with the old woman. This woman wanted to drop off our baby with my clan for some reason, I do not know why. But she’s back, emma lath. We’re a family again.”

     “I’m so sorry for being such an ass last night. I just never thought I’d see our daughter again.” Xander cried partially from keeping in his emotions for the past few days, partially from the large quantities of alcohol in his system.

     “Well, I hate to say it but now you know how I felt when you left me.” Mara replied.

     “I’m sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”

     “I know.” Mara kissed Xander’s cheek.

     Xander rocked Maria in his strong arms, kissing her forehead and softly humming beautiful and sweet melodies.

     “I didn’t know you could sing.” Mara said.

     “I guess you couldn’t hear me when I was watching over you.” Xander frowned. “I sang to you while you were sleeping, after the temple.”

     “Well maybe you should sing more often. Maria looks like she loves it…and so do I.” Mara smiled.

     Xander freed his one arm and put it around Mara, feeling content with the two women in his life being with him, in his own home. Finally.

     “So, the only problem we have is that I cannot be seen with a baby all the time, so I will most certainly visit as much as possible, but we can’t go out with the baby together.” Mara explained. “We will be a family again, though. Soon. I promise.”

     “Okay. I can handle that, as long as I have the both of you.” Xander replied and leaned in towards Mara.

     “I really would love to stay, but I need to meet up with Ara and Cam and discuss some things with them.” Mara said. “If I am able, I’ll come back tonight and sleep here with you, if you’d like."

     “I would love that, sweetheart.” Xander smiled and slowly put their daughter in the cradle.

     "So...when you said you weren't sure if you still love me. Did you mean that?" Mara asked quietly.

     A wave of sadness and an expression of hurt washed over Xander's flushed face. "No. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I loved you then, I love you now. Always."

     “Okay. Well, drink some of that tea I gave you the other day. It’ll sober you up.” Mara gestured towards Xander’s table.

     “Sure thing.” Xander chuckled.

     Mara unwillingly stood up, said goodbye to Maria, and got ready to leave when suddenly Xander wrapped his arms around her waist, locking her in his hold. He pressed his lips to her ear and whispered quietly, _“Don’t go.”_

     “I need to, vhenan.” Mara whispered back.

     Xander wouldn’t take no for an answer, and twirled Mara around so she was facing him, his hands holding her just below the waist. All the tension, all the anger, all of the hurt flowed away and Xander kissed his wife passionately. He trailed kisses across her jaw, down her neck, and grazed his teeth lightly on her collarbone. As he did this, Mara entwined her fingers in his golden long hair, letting a soft moan escape her lips, glad that they were no longer angry with one another.

     “I love you, vhenan, I really do, and I love what you’re doing right now. But I really have to go.” Mara said breathlessly.

     Xander gasped for air as he calmed himself down. “Alright, love.”

     “I love you, Xander.” Mara smiled then went over to Maria’s crib and caressed her cheek. “And I love you, da’len.”


	17. Chapter Sixteen

     “Mara, Mara wake up.”

     “ _You’re already awake, don’t listen to him. You’re dreaming.”_

     “I’m awake.” Mara mumbled sleepily.

     “I don’t think you are, my dear.” Xander said.

     " _That stupid shem is screwing with your mind, Mara. Look at me, I’m real.” Varlan poked Mara on the nose and smiled. “Did you miss me?”_

_“Oh I did.” Mara grinned. “Where were you?”_

_“Just on an adventure. Don’t worry about it. All that matters is I’m back and so are you. Don’t leave me, Mara! Don’t leave me again.”_

“I…won’t, I promise.” Mara mumbled again.

     “Love, wake up. Honey, what’s wrong?” Xander was worried now because it never took Mara this long to wake up.

     " _This is where you belong. Everything is perfect here…” Varlan persuaded._

Maria started to cry, louder and louder.

     “Listen, darling, it’s our baby, she needs you.” Xander pleaded.

     _“That’s not your baby, does he think you’re a fool?!” Varlan was upset._

_“But I do have a baby…” Mara said._

_“No you don’t, Mara. Listen to me.” Varlan took Mara’s hand and set it on his chest. “Feel my heartbeat. That’s real, isn’t it?”_

_“Yeah, but…you died.”_

_“No I didn’t, are you crazy?” Varlan frowned._

_“The conclave…you and Xander were getting along…” Mara looked at her surroundings. It wasn’t Haven._

_Varlan hugged Mara close and whispered in her ear, “I love you.”_

_“Wait…” Mara felt extremely confused. “None of this is real, you’re not real.”_

_Varlan’s arms became a vice that wouldn’t let Mara go._

_“I’m dreaming.”_

_“Mara!”_

“Mara!”

     “What?” Mara sprang up out of bed, crying for no reason. Or maybe there was a reason but she couldn’t remember.

     “Were you dreaming?” Xander asked as he rocked Maria back to sleep.

     “I think so…?”

     _Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock._

     “Lady Mara?” Cassandra shouted through the wooden door of Xander’s humble abode.

     “Yes? Uh, one moment please.” Mara replied, throwing on the first clothing she could find, which was Xander’s shirt and her nugskin pants.

     Moments later Mara was outside, holding Maria close and talking to Cassandra as Xander got dressed to accompany them.

     “So, we have an urgent meeting in the chantry. Please meet me there as soon as possible.” Cassandra informed.

     “Alright, I need to go ask my friend if she can watch Maria, after that I will be on my way.” Mara said, bouncing the baby in her arms.

     “See you there, then.” Cassandra nodded respectfully and left.

     “What was that about?” Xander asked, closing the door behind him.

     “Super important urgent meeting in the chantry. Would you like to come? I’m going to have Ara watch Maria while we’re gone.” Mara said.

     “Yes I’d like to see what’s going on.”

~~~

     “Lady Mara, thank you for coming.” Josephine greeted as Mara and Xander entered the room.

     “As I’ve told you this is a delicate matter.” Cassandra said to Mara.

     “Yes?”

     “What she means is it needs to be between the five of us, no extra people.” Cullen narrowed his eyes at Xander, who was nonchalantly picking at his nails. Mara knew he did so when he was nervous.

     “I appreciate the concern, but Xander can most definitely be trusted I can assure you all.” Mara defended her husband. “Just tell me what is going on, please.”

     “So, we’ve been approached by a messenger for Mother Giselle, who is currently in the Hinterlands. She wants to speak with you, but unfortunately the area has been overrun with rebel mages and Templars fighting. They’ve been killing and injuring anyone who is in their way.” Said Cassandra.

     “We need a way to get through the fighting and make sure Mother Giselle is safe. Then we can clear the area of the fighting.” Leliana piped up.

     “I say we just send forces in and clear out the fighting first.” Cullen suggested.

     “Ah, Commander Cullen. Always wanting to use brutal force.” Leiliana chided. “The hammer, to which everything is a nail.”

     _I'll be his nail..._ Shit! Did Mara really just think that?! That was horrible, she's a married woman and should _not_ be thinking such nasty thoughts.

     “Well what do you suggest, Leliana?” Josephine asked.

     “I say we find someone who can get through the fighting, join a side and stay undercover. Make their way through and get to Mother Giselle without alerting anyone of the Inquisition’s plans on covering the area.” Leliana focused her gaze on Xander. “What we need is a mage. We don’t have Templars just yet, and a rebel mage would be easier to pass off.”

     “No.” Mara spat. “I lost him once I’m not losing him again.”

     “Milady, he will be fine. I can send a couple scouts to watch over him, they can travel with him and be ‘mages’ as well.” Leiliana reassured. “It’s a great idea, he could even get us information on the rebel mages since they would trust him.”

     “Then just send those people. They know how to spy and be hidden…”

     “Mara, if I can help this cause in any way, I will. I can handle myself, darling.” Xander rested a gentle hand on Mara’s shoulder. “I survived all that time before I met you, I can do this.”

     “You said you wouldn’t leave me.” Mara glared at her husband.

     “I know, emma lath, I know.” Xander said softly. “Please, let me help. I promise to be careful.”

     Mara sighed and looked around the room. If Leliana’s scouts were as good as she said, then Xander would most definitely be safe.

     “Fine. Do it. We’ll wait for someone’s return and depart from here once we get word.” Mara said dryly and left the room, as well as her husband, behind in a fury.

     As Mara walked through the town of Haven, she took in the different sights and sounds. Families were spending time together, mothers were baking and fathers building. Children were running and laughing. Seeing this small community made Mara homesick.

     “Hello, Mara.”

     Mara looked over to see the elf from when they were closing the rifts.

     “How are you, today?”

     “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I forgot your name.” Mara said politely.

     “Oh, I am Solas.”

     "Hello Solas. And I’m okay.” Mara replied absent-mindedly.

     “Just okay doesn’t sound like a good answer.” Solas said.

     “I’m fine.”

     “Okay.”

     Mara narrowed her eyes at the elf. “Smartass.”

     “Well, yes I am smart. I’m not sure about my hindquarters, though.” Solas pondered.

     Mara couldn’t hold her laugh back and snorted. “I’m sorry, Solas. It’s been a rough day so far.”

     “It is all right, Mara. Anything I can assist with?” Solas turned to look at Mara.

     Mara shook her head. “No, I just need to go see my brother and friend. I’ll talk to you later, but it was nice chatting with you.”

     “Goodbye.”


	18. Chapter Seventeen

     Mara sat down at the tavern with Cam and Ara, and the two were already more than halfway to being plastered. This surprised Mara, because Cam never used to be a drinker and Ara could usually handle her alcohol pretty well. When Mara and Ara drank, they’d invite Cam but he would only drink one beverage and leave. Mara remembered that Ara would stick her tongue out and call Cam a buzzkill as he left. Ara even had a drinking contest with a few people and she won every time. Drinking was one of her many, many talents, while Mara just enjoyed watching Ara get drunk.

     “Marrraaaaa!” Cam slurred. “Mara, you’re an amazing sister and I love you soooo much!”

     “I love you, too Cam.” Mara giggled.

     “Ahh look at that, Cam and Mara, what a good pair of siblings.” Ara grinned. “So like, Mara. Why’d ya tell them you have a niece.”

     Mara’s stomach turned. There were too many people in there to tell her the truth. “Because I do, Ara. Let’s go for a walk.”

     “I’ll be here, ladies.” Cam hiccuped. “Hey, uh, Iforgetyername. Lady who serves us, hit me with another!”

     The woman smiled and shook her head. “I need to cut you off, dear. You’re about to fall off that chair of yours.”

     “Huh? Oh. Fine, busskill. I’ll just go for a walk.” Cam stumbled off of his chair and out of the tavern.

     As Mara and Ara walked to Mara’s room in the chantry, snow started to fall.

     “Mara, tell me why.” Ara looked strangely sober all of the sudden.

     “I can’t let anyone else know I have…you know.” Mara whispered.

     “Fuckin’ what? Why?” Ara was getting angry.

     “Calm down. I’m some kind of leader or symbol or _something_ , I don’t know. I’m key to the success of this Inquisition thing, and I’ve been keeping my relationship out of the eyes of the public, so to see their whatever-I-am, an elf with a human husband and a baby, well that wouldn’t look good.” Mara explained once she closed the door to her room.

     “I just don’t understand. Why help all of these shems with their problems?” Ara muttered and plopped down on Mara’s bed.

     “Because I want to do something good, and if I don’t help them our whole world will be destroyed and there won’t be any point of you, me, my baby, or anyone. We’ll all die. I want to live my life and I want to see my baby grow up.” Mara sighed and sat down beside Ara, who was already laying down and ready to fall asleep.

     “You can’t just drop all responsibility for your child! After all it was _your_ dumb ass that fucked that damn shem and got pregnant. Seriously Mara…”

     “Ara shut up, you don’t understand!” Mara glared harshly.

     “Oh I beg to differ. Mara, I would give anything to be so lucky to have a beautiful baby like Maria…” Ara’s face got grim.

     “You _did._ At least I didn’t just drop mine off…” Mara trailed off. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. Please forgive me. I just, give me some time to figure things out. The world is just spinning and I can’t make it stop. I need time to adjust to all of this. Please.”

     Ara sighed in reply. “Fine, I get it. We’ll say she’s mine and Cam’s or something, since she looks way too much like you and you look a lot like Cam.”

     “Thank you, Ara.”

     “You owe me.” Ara started to slur and close her eyes, succumbing to the sleepy state the alcohol put her in finally.

~~~

     “I still don’t feel comfortable with you going.” Mara frowned.

     “I promise I’ll be as careful as possible, my love. I could never do this if I didn’t think I would return to the two amazing girls in my life.” Xander kissed the tip of Mara’s nose.

     Mara and Xander were lying in bed after a long evening of “glorious make-up sex” according to Xander. Mara scoffed at how stupid that sounded when he said it, but she couldn’t argue the point. Maybe they should’ve argued more often, she thought. Maria slept in Xander’s house where Ara and Cam were watching her since it was Xander’s and Mara’s last night together for a while.

     “So, your brother had some choice words for me outside of the tavern yesterday.” Xander chuckled. “I don’t think he likes me.”

     “Neither does the rest of my clan, vhenan.” Mara said.

     “I hope that can change one day.” Xander replied.

     Mara propped herself up on her elbow to look into her husband’s eyes. “It will. I promise.”

     “If for some slight chance I don’t—“

     “Shh.” Mara pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t you start talking like that, Xander.”

     “Darling, please.” Xander took ahold of his wife’s hand and held it away from his face. “If, for some bizarre reason, I don’t make it back, I left a note on my desk. It’s _only_ if something happens to me. Other than that, please leave it be.”

     Mara hesitated, but nodded after a short while. She rested her head on Xander’s chest and listened to his fluttering heartbeat.

     “Why is your heart beating so fast?” Mara asked, curiously.

     “It always does that when I’m with you. Not to mention we _did_ just have a pretty decent time not too long ago.” Xander smirked.

     “Hmm. I see.” Mara smirked right back at him, letting her hand trail down over his torso and under the blanket. “Round two?”

     “Oh, Maker, yes!” Xander grinned with a wicked look in his eyes.

     “Vhenan, you’re positively not going to want to leave after tonight.” Mara mischievously smiled.

~~~

     “Did we have fun last night, your worship?” Josephine strolled into Mara’s room, not noticing the large man snoring in the bed with Mara.

     “Lady Montilyet…what. Can we get some privacy?” Mara gasped and covered herself.

     “Leliana needs Xander now. You should probably say your goodbyes before he meets with her, since you must do some more training with Cullen and Cassandra. Good morning, by the way.” Josephine politely smiled and walked out, closing the door behind her.

     “Creators, she heard us. That’s awkward.” Mara muttered to herself as she shook Xander awake. “Good morning, emma lath.”

     “Mmmph.” Xander threw an arm over his eyes. “Mmmorninph.”

     “Oh come on, one more chance to see me naked for _quite_ some time.” Mara tempted.

     Xander’s eyes popped open.

     “I thought that would do the trick.” Mara laughed and threw some clothes at Xander. “It’s time. Leliana needs you and I was told we say our goodbyes now.”

     “It’s not goodbye.” Xander said softly as he rose up out of bed, slowly dressing himself.

     “Xander, what if it is? I don’t know if I’ll survive losing you a second time.” Mara frowned and slipped on some warm clothing.

     “I love you, and no matter what happens you need to be strong for yourself, for these people who are counting on you, and for our daughter.” Xander grasped Mara’s arms tightly, reassuring her that she can do anything.

     “Okay.”

     “Promise me.”

     “What?”

     Xander hugged Mara close. “Promise me you’ll be strong, no matter what. Promise me you’ll read that letter if something happens. Promise me you can live on after I’m gone if I…you know.”

     Mara choked back the tears and nodded, not trusting her voice at that particular moment.

     “Let me hear it, darling.”

     “You said you'd be fine.”

     "I will, I'll just sleep better knowing you can do this without me, _just in case."_ Xander wiped the tears from Mara's face, his fingers lingering over the blue markings framing her face.

     "I can. I promise."

     _Knock, knock._

     Mara wiped her eyes once more. “Come in.”

     Ara entered with Maria in her arms. “I figured you’d want to see this little one before you uh, go. Look, you shem. Wipe that grin off your face, I’m doing this for Mara and Maria. You need to see her one last time. Just in case.”

     “Thank you, Ara.” Xander said. “I really appreciate it.”

     “Yeah, yeah. Just hurry it up.” Ara grumbled and handed Maria over to Xander.

     “Oh my beautiful little girl. I love you so, so much. I promise daddy will come back for you, and I will always love you.” Xander kissed his daughter’s forehead.

     Mara held her arms open, clearing her throat as she accepted her little girl into her arms. Xander kissed Mara once more, nodded to Ara, and left. Mara tried to remain calm, but her stomach did so many flips that she had to hand Maria back over to Ara.

     “He’s not coming back.” Mara sat down on the bed.

     “I’m sure he will, Mara.” Cam walked into the room. “What’s the worst that could happen? If he survived all that time alone, he can survive this trip.”

     “There wasn’t all this shit going on before he met me, Cam. It’s dangerous out there.” Mara worried and bit her lip so hard that she drew blood.

     “Mara, I may not like him, but I see he really does care for you, and I believe he can get through this. So can you.” Ara said softly, comforting her friend. “Right now, you need to be strong and train yourself, you need to be strong for everyone, especially your little one here.”

     Mara let these words sink in. Ara was right, and so was Cam. She couldn’t sit around a mope all day while she waited for her husband. Mara needed to grow up and be tough, she needed to be strong.

     “Alright, you two are right.” Mara stood up, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Ara, would you like to come train with me?”

     “Duh! I _need_ to beat some stuff up. Also I have to make sure these shems know what they’re doing.” Ara winked and handed Maria over to Cam.

     “Be a good uncle, now, Cam-cam.” Mara smiled softly. “This is good practice for you before you have kids of your own.”

     “Just go, I’m fine.” Then under his breath, Cam added, “Losers.”


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm pretty sure this was my friend's favorite part because the beginning features her OC Ara Lavellan basically picking on Cullen's combat training, and well, just read for yourself. My friend enjoyed that part haha.

     “Ugh, dirthara-ma!” Ara swore in frustration. “Colin, Corbin, Cullan…whatever your name is! That’s stupid, like damn! No… _this_ way!”

     Mara watched as Cullen and Ara argued on different ways to do the same combat move. She knew Ara would argue, that’s why she brought her along. Mara didn’t feel like being alone with Cullen until Cassandra got there. Being alone with that man felt...odd. Plus, the peculiar way Xander looked like him made her uneasy around Cullen, and it made her miss Xander even though he only just left that morning.

     “Maker’s breath, I think I know what I’m doing, for goodness sake! Mara would you please come over here and tell your friend I know what I’m doing?” Cullen let a loud sigh of frustration escape his lips.

     “Okay Ara, come here.” Mara said.

     “What? What?” Ara grumbled.

     “I think we irritated him enough today don’t you think?” Mara smirked.

     “No, I wanna fight this damn shem, he’s an idiot!” Ara exclaimed.

 _Hmmm,_ Mara thought to herself. The man could probably take it...maybe. “Ah why not, go for it!”

     Ara grinned and turned back around, making her way to Cullen who held his shield and sword, ready for anything coming his way.

     “Let’s see who’s better.” Ara sneered.

     “Fine, but I’ll go easy on you—“

 _Bam!_ Ara slammed her large greatsword into Cullen’s wooden practice shield, leaving a large nick in the shield and making Cullen stumble back in shock.

     “I wasn’t ready!” Cullen argued.

     “You can’t be _ready_ for a battle, Commander!” Ara laughed and lunged for the man.

     Cullen had no time to think, and before he knew it, he was flat on the ground, facing the sky watching it wildly spin wondering what in the world just happened. The edges of his vision were going black and he swore he could see stars. Ara smiled, knelt down beside the Commander, and patted him on the shoulder.

     “What did you say about going easy?” Ara stood up, still looking down at the confused man. “Don’t underestimate me, Commander whatever-your-name-is. Knocked you on your ass once, I can do it again easily.”

     Mara shook her head at the sight and nodded in approval at Ara, who was grinning ear-to-ear and walking towards her and Cam’s temporary home.

     “I’ll see you later, Mara. Have fun training.” Ara playfully punched Mara’s shoulder. “Oh! And uh, don’t forget Cam and I found a different place to stay. So, you can find us there, later.”

     Mara carefully made her way over to Cullen. He seemed quite peaceful laying in the snow. Every other time she saw him, he was either angry or too busy being “Commander” to relax a bit.

     “Cullen?”

     “Mmum.”

     “Cullen, wake up.” Mara poked Cullen in the shoulder. Why did it seem that every shemlen man she met was really just a large child that needed taken care of? When Mara found Xander, he was crying for his mother, and now Cullen was practically doing the same after a little round with Ara.

     Cullen’s eyes fluttered open, but Mara could tell he still wasn’t all there.

     “Commander?” Mara tried again.

     “Well don’t you look lovely, milady. Have we met?” Cullen slurred and mumbled, then passed out cold.

     “Your worship!” Josephine hurried over to Mara, not really noticing the large man passed out in the snow until she got closer. “Uh…?”

     “Cullen and Ara were arguing, they fought to see who would be the best, Cullen obviously did not win.” Mara explained, trying to hide her amusement with the situation.

     “Well…alright, then. What I wanted to tell you is that we have some people who would like to join the Inquisition! One has just arrived and I can assure you there will be more as we become more and more popular.” Josephine smiled and looked at her notes. “Right now I have three people who specifically requested to meet you and possibly become a part of your team when you go out on missions - such as the one coming up after your hus—Xander…returns. I have received word from a Grey Warden who goes by Blackwall, a very...large Qunari man, and a mage named Dorian who did not particularly tell me where he is from, but we will find out soon enough. The Qunari man is here and would like to speak with you when you are free.”

     “Alright let me get Cullen out of the snow and I’ll be on my way.” Mara said.

     “No need!” A loud, booming voice said from behind Mara. Josephine’s eyes widened.

     Mara turned around to see a large man towering over her, with huge horns and an eye patch. _The Qunari_ , she thought. The large Qunari man had a sleeping Cullen safely draped over his shoulder before Mara could even blink.

     “I got him, don’t worry. Where does the little guy need to go?”

     “Uh…just take him to my—I mean, that house over there.” Mara pointed to her and Xander’s small home. “I’ve bandages and medicinal things in there, I can make sure he’s all right.”

     After a short walk to the house, Cullen was snoring away in the bed, still fully armored, as Mara went to thank the large Qunari.

     “Thank you, uh—“

     “The Iron Bull.”

     “Thank you, The Iron Bull.” Mara hesitated at the odd name.

     “Don’t mention it. I’ll see ya over in the chantry. That’s where your ambassador told me to meet you.” Iron Bull said.

     Mara nodded and closed the door as the large man made his way out into the cold. She turned back around to see if Cullen was still passed out, and the answer to that question was a big yes.

     “Oh, Commander Cullen.” Mara muttered. "Never, _never,_ challenge Ara Lavellan."

     Cullen was still in his armor, and Mara was certain that wasn’t comfortable whatsoever. She started to take apart the layers upon Cullen’s limp body, and made a neat pile beside the bed. Cullen softly snored, and shivered as Mara took off the last bit of armor, draping the warm fur blanket over him.

     “I bet I could just ‘fall asleep’ and skip out on this meeting today.” Mara spoke quietly to herself. She didn’t really want to deal with people today. All she wanted was some food in her stomach and sleep.

_Knock, knock._

     Mara quickly went to the door and opened it to see Ara, Cam, and Maria being held by Cam.

     “Yes?” Mara whispered.

     “Come get food with us.” Ara whispered back.

     “Yes, sure.” Mara replied.

     “Why are we all whispering?” Cam asked quietly.

     Mara motioned over to sleepy Cullen and gave a funny look to Ara.

     “Hehe, I did that!” Ara silently cheered.

     Mara shook her head and snorted.

~~~

     Mara woke up to loud snoring right beside her.

     “What…?” Mara sat up from her makeshift bed on the floor to look around. The night before, she decided to stay in the house with Cullen since he still hadn’t awakened and she started to worry. Now, looking around, she realized he fell off the bed in the middle of the night sometime. Cullen laid stretched out right beside her, radiating intense body heat and whimpering something unintelligible.

     Mara stood up and wrapped herself in the blanket. “Cullen, wake up.”

     “Yes, yes.” Cullen mumbled and turned over onto his other side.

     “Cullen!” Mara lightly kicked him.

     “What!?” Cullen sprang up, gasping for breath and looking around the room worriedly.

     “Good, at least you’re awake now.” Mara let out a sigh of relief.

     “What happened?” Cullen asked. “Wait, where am I? Why am I here? What…why am I on the ground?”

     “You and Ara fought. Ara won. You passed out. I took care of you. I fell asleep and I’m assuming you fell out of bed. Damn, that bad of a dream?” Mara joked.

     “You have no idea.” Cullen muttered.

     “Oh…sorry.”

     “It’s alright.” Cullen rubbed his face and got up off of the ground. “I should go.”

     “Yeah, that’s probably best.” Mara said distantly. She got distracted by the idea that she slept beside Cullen in the same house she secretly lived in with her husband. Awkward. “Oh to answer your other question. We’re in Xander’s home. Ara and Cam found a larger place to stay, so this was empty yesterday. I had things in here to help you get better.”

     “Oh, yes, right. Your husband. He should be back next week. ‘Tis not a long trip.” Cullen replied as he put the last bit of armor back on and got ready to return to his duties as Commander Cullen.

      Mara gathered her things and silently made the bed as Cullen opened the door.

     Before he did so, Cullen turned around and gave a kind smile to Mara. “Thank you, Herald. You didn’t have to take care of me, but you did. I greatly appreciate it.”

     “You’re welcome.” Mara replied absent-mindedly and sat down on the bed as the door closed behind the commander.

     Mara opened up the drawer right next to the bed and took out Xander’s last clean shirt. She brought the soft fabric up to her nose to sniff it, to smell him one more time, just in case. If something would happen to him, this scent would fade one day and she would have to keep it in her memory.

     “I miss you, emma lath.” Mara frowned and looked up at the ceiling. “Please come back safely.”

 


	20. Chapter Nineteen

          "So he's back? Xander is alive?" Mara clutched Josephine's arm in anticipation.

          “He’s here. Alive…but barely. I was told to tell you to read the letter first.” Josephine handed Mara a crumpled piece of paper to her. It was folded up and had drawings of her favorite flowers all over the outside.

           Just then Mara remembered the other note that Xander left on the desk, _just in case._ Was she to read both letters?

          “I want to see him.” Mara demanded,

         “I assure you, soon. I’ll send Cullen over, he’s not busy. Unfortunately I am swamped and so is everyone else at the moment. Just stick around here for now. Please.” Josephine forced a smile and walked away.

          Mara unfolded the new note and started to read the scribbled words:

 

_Hello darling,_

_I’m sorry that you have to read this. I was really hoping to have the chance to speak to you face-to-face upon my return. Unfortunately if Josephine or somebody delivered this to you, then I am either gravely injured, or...well, dead. Please do not be frightened, love. This happens to all of us at one point or another. Some sooner than others, unfortunately. If I am seriously hurt right now, I’ll probably be in the same place you were when you were injured. You may come see me if they say it’s alright. If I am, well...you know...then there is no point in visiting, correct? My dear, please be strong. If not for yourself, for me, your friends, family, or the rest of the world, then please be strong for our daughter. I will do all I can to fight and stay alive. But, if it is my time, then I ask that you read that other letter I left you. You do remember that one, I hope? I love you, please take care of yourself. See you soon, sweetheart._

_All my love,  
_

_Xander_

 

          Mara dropped the paper and started to hyperventilate. Xander was hurt. He could die and it was all her fault. If she just told him to stay, told Leiliana to screw herself and find someone else to go, then maybe Xander wouldn’t be almost dead. Or actually dead. Creators, how could she have been so stupid?

          “Milady.” It was Cullen. “I’m here to escort you to see Xander.”

          Mara nodded her head, not sure if she could trust her voice at the moment. She followed the commander out of the chantry and through the town of Haven. It felt like it took ages to get to Xander, but finally they were there, standing in front of the heavy wooden door.

           “Lady Mara, I must warn you…” Cullen started to say.

           “I know.” Mara snapped. “I can handle this, Commander. You can leave now.”

          Cullen backed away and left with a hurt look on his face. The look made Mara instantly feel bad. This wasn’t his fault, but she snapped at him as if it were. She couldn’t believe how rude she was being; all he wanted to do was help.

 _Knock, knock._ Mara lightly rapped on the rough door.

           “Come in.” A muffled voice drifted through the door.

          Mara took a deep breath and opened the door. The first thing she saw was a grumpy elderly man sitting on a wooden crate beside Xander’s cot. He was gently dabbing Xander’s forehead with a damp cloth, and scowled at Mara as she made her way into the room.

           “And you are?”

           “Xander’s…uh, good friend.” Mara said softly. She instantly became frustrated because the man was blocking her view of Xander.

           “Oh. Sorry. You’re the Herald. My apologies, didn’t recognize you.” The man muttered.

           “May I have some time alone with him?” Mara replied, not caring about the rudeness she received when she first arrived.

          “Of course, Lady Herald.” Grumpy Old Man left the damp cloth on Xander’s forehead, put a heavy coat on, and opened the door. “Let me know when you’re done. I’ll be next door in the tavern.”

          Mara nodded and closed the door behind the rude man. She then turned back around to take in the view of Xander. He was profusely sweating from a fever. His body shivered and he was mumbling unintelligible words through his chapped lips. Mara wondered what could have done this to her poor husband. Her eyes wandered down his half naked body and found the culprit. Xander had been wounded near the stomach. There were bandages wrapped around his lower abdomen and he was already slowly bleeding through those. Mara slowly sat down next to him and held his clammy hand.

           “Oh my...what happened to you?” Mara frowned.

Mara freed one hand to moisten the cloth and dab it on his face. That was when she discovered another wound. On Xander’s temple, there was a dark, ugly bruise, and after gently tilting his head to the other side, she saw a lump forming on his skull. Someone beat him, probably to death if they could have. Mara bit her lip, holding back her emotions for fear of someone walking in at any moment.

          “Maker, no!” Xander shouted deliriously.

          “Shhh,” Mara tried to soothe her panicked husband. “Can you hear me, emma lath?”

          Xander muttered incoherent words and his body trembled. Mara couldn’t tell if it was from a bad dream or from the horrid fever he had.

          “Xander please, wake up.” Mara cried.

          “It’s no use,” said a voice behind Mara. Then, the sound of the door softly closing. “I saw what happened. It didn’t look good, Mara.”

          Mara turned around, still holding Xander’s hand and started to retort when what she saw made her freeze.

          “What?”

          “You…you died. They all told me…” Mara stuttered. “This can’t be real. I’m dreaming.”

 


	21. Chapter Twenty

     “Varlan, the Temple of Sacred Ashes exploded. They told me everyone died!” Mara exclaimed, still in shock.

     “I know. When I saw Xander running from the temple, I figured he was running after you. I saw him after I decided to take a moment to get some fresh air. I was right outside, ready to go back in. Something told me to go after him, though. After the explosion, however, I lost Xander and decided to hopefully find you back with the clan.” Varlan explained. “I was wrong.”

     Mara caressed Xander’s hand and carefully laid it down by his side so she could embrace Varlan.

     Varlan returned the embrace, tightly holding onto Mara. “I thought I lost you, Mara. I thought you died. Xander caught up with me and told me about how you made him leave.”

     “I thought you died, too.”

     “I didn’t. I’m here.” Varlan rested his head against Mara’s. “I see Xander isn’t doing well.”

     Mara couldn’t hold back her tears anymore, even though she wanted to. “I shouldn’t have let him go. He went on a mission for me so I could know what kind of territory I’d be going into.”

     Varlan hugged Mara closer, gently holding her head to his chest and trying to calm her down.

     “Varlan, what do I do?” Mara sobbed, soaking his shirt with her tears.

     “I would tell you to be strong, but you already are.” Varlan said softly.

     Mara scoffed. “Yeah, soaking your shirt with my tears, uncontrollably crying all over the place. I feel like all I ever do is cry.”

     “Mara.” Varlan held her back at arm’s length to look into her eyes. “You helped a shem, fell in love with him, left your clan for him. You had a baby. You have always been brave. You almost _died_ a couple times and letting yourself cry does not mean you are weak.”

     “I missed you, Varlan. I’m so sorry.”

     “Don’t be sorry.” Varlan kissed Mara’s forehead and sat her back down by Xander.

     Xander’s body wasn’t shaking anymore, but he still had a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin. No more mumbling from his dry, chapped lips either.

     “Have you seen Ara and Cam yet?” Mara asked Varlan after a few moments of silence.

     “No, they’re here? I wondered where they went.” Varlan replied.

     “Wait, how did you know I was here?” Mara asked, confused.

     “A Dalish Herald of Andraste.” Varlan chuckled. “News like that travels pretty fast. I knew it had to be you.”

     “Ugh, I know right?”

     “What _did_ happen to you?” Varlan asked curiously.

     “I don’t know.”

     “What?”

    “I don’t remember anything. I remember telling Xander to go back to Haven and then I woke up in a cell, my hands shackled and guards watching me closely.” Mara explained, her hand starting to ache as she thought about the pain the mark caused her at that time. “Next thing I know, I’m using this weird mark to close ‘rifts’ and fight demons. Everyone’s calling me the Herald of Andraste and they told me I walked out of the Fade. Physically.”

     “Damn, and you can’t remember?” Varlan said astonishingly.

     “Nope.”

     “Wow.”

~~~

     “Water.” A voice croaked.

    Mara’s eyes popped open. She decided to sleep in the building where Xander was since she didn’t trust the new drunken healer they had here at Haven. Varlan left to give Mara alone time, and he decided to spend some time with Ara, Cam, and the baby. She still couldn’t believe Varlan was alive. It felt too good to be true, but at the same time it was kind of ironic. Xander was possibly on his deathbed the same day Mara found out her best friend was alive.

     “Xander?” Mara’s lips stretched into a hopeful smile. She hurriedly looked for the container of drinking water, then carefully held it to Xander’s lips. His eyes were sleepy but he seemed alert enough to drink on his own.

     “Thanks.”

     “How are you?” Mara asked.

     Xander coughed. “Better now that I’ve seen your face.”

     Mara smirked. “You never lose your charm, do you?”

     “Absolutely not, my love.” Xander raised a weak hand to rest it on Mara’s face.

     “I thought…don’t ever write like that again. I almost thought you were dead.” Mara looked down at the floor.

     “Oh my dear—ow, _damn it_.” Xander winced as he brought his arm back down to his side.

     “You’re hurting.”

     “I’ll be alright.” Xander sighed.

     “You need to rest, we can talk later when you feel better.” Mara replied.

     “Mara…I don’t know if I’m going to get better.” Xander began. “They really got me, love. It’s a deep wound.”

     “Please don’t talk like that, Xander. Please.”

     “Oh Maker’s breath! Stop pretending like I’m going to make a miracle recovery.” Xander grumbled. “Look at me, darling.”

     Mara sighed. He was right, she shouldn’t expect a miracle. Her husband did look really bad. “It was a miracle I survived. It was a miracle we found our baby unharmed. It’s a miracle that Varlan’s alive…”

     “He, what? He’s alive?” Xander’s eyes widened.

     “Yeah.”

     “That’s…good.”

     “Yes it is.”

     Awkward silence. What was so awkward between them? Mara felt uncomfortable and Xander stared at the ceiling.

     “Well, I need to go check on Maria. Maybe I’ll bring her with me later.” Mara spoke softly.

     “I would like that, sweetheart. I love you.”

     “I love you, too.”

~~~

     “Mara?” Josephine gently opened the door to Xander’s home.

     “Yes?” Mara turned around, bouncing Maria in her arms while Ara was poking the wood in the fireplace.

     “I…I need you to come with me, Maria should stay here.” Josephine’s face was unreadable, but her tone was grim.

     “Uh…okay, then?” Mara kissed her daughter’s forehead and gently placed her in Ara’s welcoming arms.

     “Don’t be too long, Mara. It’s gonna be a party tonight, celebrating Varlan!” Ara grinned.

     Mara smiled and shook her head. She threw on her coat and followed Josephine out into the chilly evening air. People were bustling about, lighting fires and singing, trying to ignore the fact that the world was screwed up. Josephine was silent the whole way to the chantry. The two stopped right outside the closed doors, meeting up with Cassandra, Cullen, and Leliana.

     Cullen looked down, then back up to Mara, his face sad. Leliana’s expression was even more unreadable than Josephine’s.

     “Did you tell her?” Cassandra asked Josephine.

     Josephine gave her a sharp look. “No.”

     “Mara!” Varlan jogged over to the group, putting an arm around Mara’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

     “Sorry for what? What’s going on? What haven’t you told me?” Mara’s heart fluttered in anticipation and her stomach turned. Whatever the situation, it wasn’t ideal.

     Josephine’s face softened with sympathy as she looked at the snowy ground. Everyone grew extremely quiet and Varlan’s half-embrace stiffened just slightly enough for Mara to notice. Damn them all for not saying anything. Damn it all.

     “Alright, can _someone_ please say _something_ , before I have to punch it out of one of you? I have to take Maria to see Xander before he gets too tired again.” Mara was extremely frustrated. Why couldn’t they just tell her what was going on? It was annoying that no one would make eye contact with her. Could the news really be that bad?

     Cullen finally mustered up the courage to say something while the others stood back and looked at each other. Each person nodded at each other, then nodded at Cullen, and slowly made their way into the chantry. Varlan’s gaze lingered on Mara a bit longer than the others’ before he turned around to go back to Ara’s and Cam’s home.

     “Cullen, come on.” Mara muttered. “I’ve been through enough stuff, I’m sure I can handle whatever it is…shit...it's Xander, isn't it?"

     “Milady I am so, so sorry. Right after you left, Xander, he ah, he fell into this deep, deep sleep.” Cullen shifted his weight nervously.

     “He was tired, of course he would be in a deep sleep, Cullen.” Mara grumbled. That has to be what he meant, right? Xander was tired. His wound made him exhausted, Mara knew that. Why was everyone freaking out about this?

     Cullen gently laid his hands on Mara’s shoulders. “Mara. Listen. When he went into this deep sleep, Solas studied and tested different ways to help Xander. He said Xander cannot wake up. He will never leave this deep sleep, and someday…”

     “…he’ll die.” Mara finished.  

     Cullen sighed, truly feeling sympathetic for Mara. This small yet resilient woman who had been through so much, and after just getting her husband back she has to count down the days until he dies, and yet Mara didn’t shed a tear.

     “I need to be at his side. Thank you for telling me.” Mara said in a flat tone. She carefully shrugged out of Cullen’s protective grasp and made her way to see her dying husband.

 


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

            “Xander! _Please_ wake up!” Mara finally let out sobs that racked her body. She held it all together until she knew she was alone with Xander. She didn’t want to fall apart in front of Cullen or anyone else once again.

            How could this happen? They were just talking earlier, and now the thought of Xander waking up and recovering was extremely unlikely. Mara cursed the Creators, the mages and Templars, and anyone else who could be to blame.

            “Why did you go? You promised you would be okay.” Mara laid a hand on Xander’s chest. His skin was cool, but covered by a thin layer of sweat. His heart was barely beating, weak and tired of fighting. She laid her head down upon Xander’s chest, moving her hand up to cup her lover’s face.

            _What will I tell Maria? She’s going to wonder where her father is when she gets older._ Mara thought to herself, which only made her cry more. The tears soaked into Xander’s tattered shirt.

            “Emma lath, you have to come back to me.” Mara caressed Xander’s stubbled face. “You have to. I need you. Maria needs you.”

            No movement, no sound.

            “Xander, oh _Creators!_ I need you!” Mara bolted up out of the chair and paced around the room. If he could hear her, maybe her next statement would help him wake up.

            Mara moved back to a spot beside Xander’s cot and knelt down. She rested her head on the pillow by his, and rested her lips near his ear. “I’m with child, again Xander. We need you, vhenan. Please! I just found out the other day. I wanted to wait until you—“

            All of the sudden, Xander’s body twitched. This was it! Mara held her breath in intense anticipation. Xander was waking up, and he really will be okay! Solas was wrong and Mara was thrilled! Her husband would be okay!

           Or so she thought...

           Xander’s body wouldn’t stop twitching. The movement got more and more violent. Mara’s thrill and excitement drained out of her body and was replaced with dread and panic. He was going into some kind of shock.

            Mara threw her arms around her love and tried to calm him down, but the jerking just got worse. She screamed and screamed for help. Finally someone heard her and burst into the room, shooing her away from Xander. Varlan quickly arrived as well, taking a broken and trembling Mara into his arms.

            “Shhh.” Varlan stroked Mara’s long, soft hair and angled her towards the door so she couldn’t look at Xander twitching, tossing, and convulsing.

            “Varlan,” Mara sobbed. “Varlan he’s dying, I can’t…I can’t do this!”

            “Shhh, shhh. Let’s get you out of here.” Varlan quickly ushered Mara out of the building, swiftly closing the door behind him.

            Mara fought against him, shouting obscenities and crying, arguing that she needed to be with Xander, that maybe she could help him. Varlan knew all too well that that wasn’t the case. His best friend from when they were younger had the same issue. He also went into this type of deep sleep and never woke up. Varlan didn’t have the heart to tell Mara that there was no point in fighting it. This was a higher being’s plan and no one could question it. He thought “higher being” because after what he had seen in the past year, he wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Were there really Creators? If so, why did they let things like this happen to good people? No, he didn’t particularly care much for Xander, but this shem made Mara happy and her happiness came above anything else with Varlan. He would always love her and be there for her, whether it be as a lover or just a friend.

            “Varlan let me go, damn it!” Mara threw weak punches at his chest.

            “I can’t, Mara. You need to calm down—“

            “Fuck you!” Mara shrieked. “I will _not_ calm down, damn it!”

            Varlan ignored her fighting and hastily half-carried Mara to the chantry to hopefully find someone there to make her settle down so she wouldn’t cause such a ruckus in town. People would start to question their “herald” if she acted like that in public.

            “Var—lan! Let me go, fucking _let me GO!_ I need to get back to Xander I need to save him he can’t die, damn it!” Mara clawed and squirmed in Varlan’s strong, steady arms.

            “What’s the problem?” Cullen walked hurriedly to the chantry door and closed it behind the two elves. Cassandra and Josephine poked their heads out of Josephine’s office.

            Mara quit fighting and glared at everyone in the room, which to her relief, the room was just filled with her advisors, Varric, The Iron Bull, and Solas. At least, that was all she could see. The three gave each other knowing looks and slowly backed away, going into the next room, no doubt to discuss Mara’s breakdown.

            Varlan hesitantly released his grip on Mara, slowly backing away towards the chantry door to make sure she wouldn’t dart at any moment.

            “Mara, are you alright?” Cullen asked.

            “Of course she’s not, you idiot.” Varlan muttered. “Xander was, maybe still is, going into some kind of um, shock.”

            Mara sank to the ground. “I give up.”

            “You can’t give up, Lady herald.” Cassandra carefully crouched down beside Mara. “Your…niece…still needs you. Probably the fate of all of Thedas lies in your hands, er, hand...no pun intended.”

            “Not the best time for puns, anyway, Cassandra.” Josephine murmured on Mara’s other side.

            “We can help you get through this, Mara.” Cullen said softly.

            “Please, let us help.” Josephine rested a hand on Mara’s shoulder.

            The chantry’s doors burst open and Ara stormed through them, almost letting them smack Cam directly in the face on their swing back. He swore under his breath.

            “Oh my goodness what have you done to her, get up, Mara!” Ara handed Maria over to Cam who gladly accepted the child into his arms, until she started to wail and cry.

           "Shh...shh...it's okayyy it's okay." Cam bounced the little girl in his arms, and she wailed on.

            Mara slowly stood up, her muscles aching with grief. “Xander…”

            “I know, da’len, I know. He’s gone. There’s nothing you or I could do and you need to accept that.” Ara carefully administered this tough love to her friend. “We all need you to be at your best, and if that means putting some grieving to the side for now until we figure shit out, then, that’s what you need to do.”

            “Your friend is right, Mara. We have to speak with Mother Giselle and close the breach and so many other things. You need to be strong, vigilant, and ruthless. The Maker chose you, Andraste guides you and you are the only one who can help us right now.” Leiliana walked out of the shadows.

            Mara let the words from Ara and Leiliana sink in. They were right, she didn’t need to destroy herself over Xander right now. She lost him once, and she survived. She could do it again and ignore her feelings for a while. She could do this, Mara could try to save everyone and leave a better world for her children, for everyone’s children.

            “You’re right. What do I do, then?”


End file.
